This is one of many. We will get the rest of the pictures soon.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

So much has been going on. Grisha is not feeling well right now. He had a really bad headache last night and this morning. He also got sick twice during the night. My poor baby. I don't think he was able to enjoy his first Thanksgiving too well because he was sick. But, we did have a good day with family. He started feeling well later on in the day and his smile came back. Most of the day he looked awful and just plain sick. You can tell once he starts feeling better because his spirit gets lifted. Even though I do not like it at all when he is sick, it actually brings us closer. I lay down and cuddle with him and it's one of the few times he lets me. In these moments, I feel he is learning to trust and learning more about how we love him.

Jacob is a big boy. He is our biggest baby. He looks like he is 6 months old and he is only 13 weeks old. He is already 14 lbs 12 oz and 24 inches. At his 9 week check up, he was 13 lbs. We have only had little babies so we aren't used to a baby that is hungry all the time. He still eats every 2-3 hours during the day and I hope he will taper off soon. He is such a good baby, though and those chubby cheeks are so cute. I just want to eat him up all the time. His little rolls on his thighs are cute.. cute... I think he will slender up once he starts walking hopefully. He is so sweet and smiles all the time. He is giggling now and it is adorable. He is a very good baby and we are blessed to have such a baby that does so well. He loves his brothers, especially Grisha. Everytime he sees Grisha, he smiles so big and he will watch him wherever he goes. He loves it when Grisha holds him and talks to him. Grisha is a very big help. He also changes Jacob's diapers. :)

Samuel is doing well. Soccer is over for now. Him and Grisha will start in Feb for the spring. Samuel had a great season. He made about 4 or 5 goals. In one game, he made 2 goals and of course it was the only night I wasn't able to go. Then the next game he made a goal on a free kick. I saw that one and the others in another game. He is a great soccer player and it is his favorite sport. He does very well as a goalie and playing up front. He is drawing closer to God and really maturing in his faith. He is on the dance team at church in Outsiders. It is the middle school choir. It is way more than singing, though. They go on mission trips, have small groups and teams that meet together, mission projects, etc...

Grisha is also a part of Outsiders. He is on the technical team and hospitality team. He does not like the spotlight at all so he would rather be behind the scenes. Grisha and Samuel will be in our Christmas program at church. They are shepherds and will also be doing whatever they are doing with Outsiders. It is going to be so beautiful and I wish you could see a Crossgates Christmas. It is our biggest outreach of the whole year. Tickets are already sold out.

Gabriel is the funniest little boy. He is our little active one. He is always playing, singing, or dancing. He is a sweetheart and has a wonderful heart. Last Sunday at church in his class, there was a little boy in a wheelchair that was crying. Gabriel went up to him and started singing. The little boy stopped crying and began to smile. Gabriel kept on singing many songs to him and cheered him up. Gabriel talked about this little boy that night when he was trying to sleep. I told him how proud I was that he was so nice to that little boy. I wish more adults were like children.

JC is great. He is going through a Men's Bible Study on Tues nights. They are doing the study with the book "Wild at Heart." This has been really good for him and he looks forward to it every week. He needs this time with men and I am glad he is doing it. His job with Coca-Cola is going well. With the economy like it is and many people losing their jobs, we have been blessed that we are not having to face that. People drink coke so he will not have to worry about that. Of course, it is not only soda that he delivers. It is also vitamin water, dasani water, etc... So it is good that he has a steady job and his bosses are the best. They believe family comes before work and will let him off if there is ever a problem. They always make sure he is there for us first. He has the bosses now that he has always wanted.

I have been having some medical problems, but I know God is taking care of me and will continue to do so. I will be having a procedure to see if I have ovarian cancer on December 1st. They will do many biopsies on a lot of lesions that they found. I am not worried about it because I have promises that God has given me. I will continue to stand on them and proclaim them.

That is an update on all of us. Please read previous comments if you have been waiting to hear from me. I have commented to a few people to email me, but I never heard from them. Please make sure if you are waiting for me to respond on something, that you check the comments. Thanks!

Oh, someone asked how homeschooling was going. It isn't going as well as I'd like it to. It's my problem, not the children's, but I am working through it. I am praying about possibly putting them in school. I will wait and see what God wants me to do.

Love you all and forgive me for not putting a lot of pictures up. My digital camera is still not working. There is so much I want to get pictures of. Jacob is growing way too fast and I really need to save for a camera. I will post pictures for you at a later date because my friend is going to take family portraits of us. I am so happy and it is a great blessing that he offered to do this for us. So, that will be coming in the next few weeks. :)

Boundaries.... kids actually like them

JC had 3 days of vacation time left for this year so we went camping last week. His birthday was October 31st and it was nice to get away during the week. We were right on the water and the boys fished everyday. Samuel walked out on a log to fish further out and he fell in. I didn't see it because I was with Jacob and Gabriel in the cabin, but JC, Samuel, and Grisha came in laughing. Samuel was soaking wet and laughing at himself for falling in. We all had so much fun. We built a fire every night and just enjoyed being together. We love having Daddy with us and we were sad that he had to go back to work today. We took walks and looked at all the beautiful trees that are changing colors. This time of year is my favorite. Grisha brought his bike and he was able to ride it a lot. Sometimes I wish we could live at a campground. I love it so much.

Things are going well. I already posted about the major problem we have had, but really, everything is still wonderful. I mean, Grisha is starting to act like a teenager sometimes with an attitude and we don't appreciate that at all. But, we explain to him that pouting is not allowed and when he is told to do something, he needs to answer with a "Yes, mam" and not an attitude. He doesn't always act that way, but he has many times.

The only reason I am talking about the negative is because I don't want people thinking it is rosey all the time. It's not, but I still love it. I love having 4 boys. They are all blessings and each one of them is so special to us. All of them are going to have faults whether they are adopted or our biological children. And even though there are bad days, the good days still outweigh them.

Everywhere we go, people always look at me and tell me I have my hands full. They act like 4 children are a burden and it gets to me. I can't go anywhere without someone making a comment about me having 4 or especially because they are all boys. I have awesome boys and I wouldn't trade them for anything. They are not a burden and my hands are not full. If something is full, it is my cup. :-)

We were at a store yesterday and there was a lady that had one little girl. She was so loud and disrespectful to her mother. The lady couldn't control just one child. The mother was telling the little girl that she should not talk like that in a store in front of everyone. I was thinking to myself that she shouldn't talk like that no matter where she is. Why would the mother say that? Because she is embarrassing her? That should not be allowed even at home. We had four children in this store and they were all controlled and behaved. Now tell me who has their hands full? It is definitely not us...I would say you can have your hands full with just one child. I feel people look down on us because we have chosen to have four children. I can't understand what it is to them because they aren't even the ones raising them. It seems to bother everyone else and I don't know why. Sorry to vent but since I have had four children, I get ugly comments everywhere. Even the other night a little boy got out of his car and saw us walking. He yelled to his mom in a disgusting way, "Mom, they have a LOT of kids!!" It actually just made JC and I laugh. We laughed about it for awhile. We don't even think we have a lot of kids. A big family to me is the family that has 18. Four is NOT a lot of children.

Don't get me wrong when I say my children are behaved. They aren't always behaved and they have misbehaved in public. They are not perfect, but I can tell you this. They will not talk back and that is something that is absolutely not allowed in our family. I know they are human and they are expected to have bad days, but being disrespectful is not allowed. It hurts me when I see children being disrespectful to their parents.

Parents - start out when your children are young and not allow that. They need to know their boundaries from the get go and know what is expected of them. Allowing it to happen will only make it worse once they are older. You are the parent, not them. You want them to learn to respect their authority and if they don't respect you, they will not respect their teachers at school or their boss when they get a job. You are only doing damage to them. Be firm and you will not regret it. Your children will love you for it. You can be firm and still be a loving parent. My children know they are loved and they have never questioned it. I love them so much that I care how they turn out.

Okay, I'm off my soapbox. Thanks for letting me ramble today.

What is Love?

We have had a full and busy last few weeks. After my last post, we had some problems with Grisha. We found out he was hiding phone calls to Ukraine from us. At first, we thought he had only done it a couple times. Then, we looked back and found out it has been happening almost the whole time we have been home from Ukraine. I was so upset. It's not what he did. It's that he hid it from me. It hurt me so much. I thought everything was going well and then I find out he is hiding something. We have never done anything to make him scared of us or make him feel he has to hide anything from us. It hurt a lot to know that my son was going behind my back and keeping something from me.

He was crying in his room when I was upset with him. I tried explaining things to him of why this was wrong, but he just didn't seem to get it. I called my friend Svetlana who is from Russia and asked if we could come over. I took the other children to a friend's house and had JC meet me at Svetlana's so she could translate. So many things needed to be said to him. We wanted him to fully understand what we were saying and we knew it needed to be in his language. We didn't want there to be any misunderstandings. I also didn't want him thinking I was saying something that I wasn't. When he was seeing me upset, he could be thinking I am saying lots of things by my tone and I didn't want him thinking of things that may not be true.

The talk went great. I had calmed down a lot by the time I got there. I had already spoken to two other adoptive moms and they helped me understand many things about him. He explained that his teacher wanted him to call her and keep in touch with her so he wouldn't forget her. He said he was scared that we would not allow him to call her. We talked about why lying was wrong and that you do not lie to people you love. We talked about God. We talked about how it hurts us if he hides something from us. We talked about how much we love him and that we would love for him to call us Mom and Dad. We explained that there was nothing he could do to make us send him back. We talked about trust and much more. I still don't understand why he hid it from us because we have never made him feel he had to hide anything. We always allow him to call his friends that have been adopted and we have never kept him from keeping in touch with anyone. He promised us that he would not hide it from us again and we told him we could set up dates and times for him to call her. He seemed satisfied with that.

We left that conversation much happier. Grisha became closer to me after that. We all really needed it and it helped our relationship tremendously.

What I am learning about Grisha is that he doesn't understand what love is and I can't make him understand it. I can show him love, but I have no idea when he will actually "get it." Since he doesn't understand love, he can't understand why it hurts me if he lies or does something wrong. He doesn't understand why I get upset if he hides something. He has been able to do whatever he wants his whole life and no one has cared. So, he doesn't get it why feelings get hurt and why love has anything to do with all of it. I can't explain this well and I am not really sure how to. I don't understand much myself, but he really, really doesn't know what love really is.

Maybe this analogy will help...

When you have a baby you hold him, you kiss him, you rock him, you talk to him, you show him love and affection. From birth he begins to understand about love and trust. If you are a Christian, you talk about Jesus and how much He loves us. You explain how He was the ultimate sacrifice and died for us because He loves us so much. As they grow, they experience the love of a family and the love Jesus Christ has for them.

Grisha has been in an orphanage his whole life. He didn't have anyone love on him when he was a baby. He was in one crib among many cribs in a room. He had to soothe himself and I am sure he cried himself to sleep. He heard other babies crying all the time I am sure. He was probably fed and then put right back in the crib. When he could hold the bottle himself, he was probably laying down and feeding himself. There was no affection from anyone and he didn't get the love he needed starting out in life. We do not know if he was with his parents any of this time. If so, we do not know of the neglect that happened in the home. Worse things could have happened to him before his birth mother went to jail, but they didn't tell us. All he remembers is orphanage life.

As he grew, he was told he was stupid and couldn't do anything. He is a smart boy, but he still believes that lie. He feels he can't do school work and he doesn't want to try harder with English because he thinks he is stupid and can't do it. All of his life people have screamed in his face and made him feel worthless. He has been degraded and put down more than you can imagine. His self esteem is so low and it is going to take a long time for him to have any self confidence. He tried to act tough around his friends, but he was an emotional wreck inside. He never let it show and he built a wall. His wall is starting to crumble, but he doesn't like that. He doesn't like crying and he feels it is a sign of weakness.

You see, when we try to talk about God, he doesn't understand love and he still does not want to accept Christ. He doesn't understand love of a family even though we are trying. For 13 years, he has lived a certain way. People have come to love on him in Ukraine and shown him love. They started planting those seeds and I don't know how he would be if he didn't have that before he came here. I know that helped a lot and I am so grateful for the wonderful missionaries that have come into his life. They were kind and showed him love. It has been almost 4 months since we have been home and although he is beginning to understand many things about a family, he still doesn't know so much about it. It all comes down to love and I honestly do not know how long it will take before he fully understands how much God loves him and how much we love him.

So, he probably thinks I am a crazy person when I cry and say it hurts me. He can't in his brain connect all of this. I pray that one day (and hopefully sooner than later) he will understand love and more importantly, feel the love of our Savior. I pray Grisha accepts him in his heart and then he will experience love like never before.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.... 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:18

By this we know love, because He laid down his life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. 1 John 3:16

If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 1 Corinthians 13:2

Back to blog world

I made a decision while I was in Ukraine that I would have to step it up when I returned home to America. I was going from to 2 to 4 children in a short amount of time. I knew I would have to have more of a system at home or my house would be straight chaos. I mean, I could barely keep the house clean with 2 children. How was I going to manage keeping it up with 4? Lots of people don’t believe me when I say this, but it is easier for me with 4 children than it was with 2. My home runs much more smoothly and it stays cleaner. I also seem to be a better mom with 4. Sounds weird, I know. I still don’t understand it fully myself. But, I guess having more children helps me be the mom I keep striving to be. It gets easier with every child maybe because it’s more practice…not sure. Of course, there are days when I want to pull my hair out. Some days the kids are frustrated with each other, very emotional, or just defiant. But I can honestly say, we have way more good days than bad days. Samuel and Grisha have kept their room clean since we have been back from Ukraine. That’s over 3 months. When it was just Samuel in that room, it was never clean. Now, Samuel has stepped it up and having Grisha with him, has helped him become so much more responsible. I am so proud of Samuel. He has made his bed every single day. Even when Grisha has forgotten to make his top bunk, Samuel has remained faithful with his chore. Grisha is still great with the cleaning. Lots of people told me that it would wear off after about a month. Some of it has worn off. The first month, Grisha never forgot to make his bed. Now he sometimes forgets and I will have to remind him. When I ask him if he made it (which I know he didn’t, but I ask because I want to see what he says), he lets me know he forgot and he runs in his room to do it. He still loves helping me cook and clean. Anytime he sees me doing something, he always wants to help. I have to admit, sometimes I really want to do it by myself. That seems selfish, but I am at times. I try to tell him to go be a child and just play. He doesn’t have to do everything and I can handle it. But, he will not take no for an answer. He jumps right in and has to do it. It is a great quality and I appreciate all of the help he gives me. I just wish he would go play sometimes instead of feeling he has to help me with everything. He is a wonderful son and we are so blessed to have him in our lives.

Grisha has jumped right into the big brother role. He helps so much and loves playing with his brothers. The first month, they never fought. Now they get frustrated with each other at times, but then they are best friends again. Grisha adores baby Jacob. This little baby can do no wrong in his eyes. He loves holding him and rocking him. If Jacob starts crying, Grisha says, “Maybe he is wet. I go to change him.” Then he takes him to the changing table and changes him. He knows he doesn’t have to do that, but I think he actually enjoys it. He talks to Jacob and just loves on him. The other day Grisha was rocking him and I overheard him say in a very sweet voice, “ You’re my baby brother.”

Please don’t think it’s all rosy everyday. It’s still a challenge when you adopt a child. A few times he has turned into a toddler and acted like he was 2. We could be having a great day and all of a sudden it comes out of nowhere and I will have no idea what even started it. His emotions are raw and I really want to help him. I never saw him cry until a couple weeks ago. He was emotional and he let me hold him while he cried. He still doesn’t really open up with words, but I hope he will eventually. He also still does not call us “Mom” and “Dad.” He knew us as JC and Ashley for 3 years. I know it will take time, but I do hope it will happen soon. He refers to us as Mom and Dad when he is talking to his brothers, but he doesn’t address us with those names when he is talking to us. I have explained to him that we are his parents and we are not sending him back no matter what he does. I told him he is our son and I would love it if he would call us Mom and Dad. I told him it would be a wonderful Christmas present for me if he called me Mom. I told him that is the only thing I wanted.

It is 3:56am and I need to try and sleep so I am closing for now. I am so sorry I have not done well with the blog. We finally have internet again and I hope to keep you updated better. If you have questions, ask away and I will post them along with my answers.

First night home…

I already told you about the homecoming at the airport. It was so wonderful to see the faces of our friends. One of our dear friends sent us home with a wonderful lasagna type dish along with homemade bread. Grisha loved it and ate at least 3 helpings. When we arrived home, our counters were filled with food. We found out our Sunday School class had given money for groceries. A friend went and bought the groceries and brought them to our house before we came home. It was such a blessing that they did this. We were so exhausted and could not stay up any longer so we all headed to bed. My cup was definitely full as I was tucking in my boys. Giving Grisha a hug goodnight, telling him I loved him, and tucking him in his very own bed was a miracle. For three years I waited for this moment and he was finally home. He was finally going to sleep in his own bed in his own home for the very first time. It was hard to believe that he was physically here. Seeing Gabriel and Samuel and being home with them brought us so much joy. We all slept safe and sound. Mama and Daddy were finally home and brought the brother whom they had been waiting for. We couldn’t have been happier.

I woke up at 3am ready to go for the day. I had so much energy and began scrubbing the kitchen. Everyone was asleep, but I just couldn’t help myself and I had to clean. When I opened the cabinets, they were filled with food. I did not see it the night before, because we were so tired and I didn’t think to open cabinets. We thought the food they had bought was what was on the counters. But the cabinets were full, there was also food in the fridge and freezer. I began to weep and just started praising God. He had taken care of us all this time and He didn’t stop once we got home. I was just so amazed and kept weeping for all God had done for us to bring our son home. He loves us all so much and I never ever want to forget what He did in getting Grisha here. I never want to stop telling our story and how God gets all the glory for it.

JC stayed home with us for almost a week and it was very nice. He took the boys fishing and we all just spent time together. Grisha mostly rode his bike everyday or jumped on the trampoline. He was so proud of his bike and he would wake up early in the morning and just ride all around the yard. He would come in, drink water, and head right back out. Even though he was so hot and he said it is much hotter here than in Ukraine, he still would ride and ride.

The end of the week, we went to a friend’s house for a gathering for adoptive families. That was nice because I was able to see what God had been up to while we were in Ukraine. Two families from our church have definitely committed to adopting from Ukraine and they are in the process.

Working on more…

pictures from first 4 weeks home

Our family is finally all together. :)

Jacob arrived yesterday (August 26th) at 1:42pm. He is 7 lbs, 2 oz, and 20 1/4 inches long. He is just precious and such a wonderful gift from God. We are still without internet, but I am using the Wi-Fi at the hospital. We are able to go home tomorrow. Thanks again for continuing to be patient with me. We have a lot going on with homeschooling and a new baby and hopefully it won't be too long before we can get our internet up and running again.

We love you all and yes, Grisha is doing very well. He is so proud to have this new baby brother. All of the boys adore Jacob and I am so proud of them. We are so blessed and truly thankful to God.

Trying to catch up

This is a snippet from something I wrote in Word a couple weeks ago. There are pictures to go with it, but they are on my friend’s facebook. I will make a slideshow of them when I get the chance. Our internet is not working at the moment so I am limited with time right now using this Wi-Fi. Please know we are all doing well and we will catch up with the blog as soon as we can. Baby Jacob will be coming any day now so we are anticipating his arrival. Grisha , Samuel, and Gabriel are so excited about their baby brother.

We walked off the little plane that just brought us in from Memphis, TN. We were drained and Grisha had gotten sick several times on the second plane. He felt better on the third plane and I thank the Lord our last leg of the race home was just 45 minutes. It was dark outside and we made our way down the steep steps off of the airplane and walked out into a very humid night in Jackson, MS. It couldn’t have felt better to me because I was home.

After we all hurried to use the restroom, we walked down a hallway and the first thing I see is a big yellow sign that people are holding and then I hear clapping. I almost lost it right there. I tried so hard to gain my composure without falling to the floor and crying. As all of you already know about me, I don’t do well at times making eye contact and it is extremely difficult for me to look at a big crowd. So, I couldn’t really look out at everyone. I could only look at the people who were talking to us at the moment. Gabriel ran to me and I received the best hugs from my boys. My friend Ashley said she couldn’t stand it any longer so she ran and gave me a big hug. It was great seeing Grisha meet his brothers for the first time. He was so tired and not feeling well, but he did great. A huge smile came on his face when he saw his friend Karina whom he has been in the orphanage with since first grade. I wanted it to be a surprise for him and it definitely was. As the children played with each other and talked, we visited with our friends. Seeing all of these familiar faces made me so happy. They may never realize how appreciative I am. Every single person that was there helped make it happen to bring our son home. I have a love so deep for these people. Not because of what they have done, but because of their love for Christ and striving to be like Him. I have seen Jesus and He is in these beautiful people. They gave up themselves to help an orphan. They truly know the heart of the Father. God brought us to the impossible so we could watch Him do the supernatural. We had finally brought our son home after fighting for him for 3 long years. I praise God for making this happen.

There are so many people we’d like to thank and please know our family is so very thankful to all of you. We love you and thank God for you.

Recovering from the hospital and it is nice to be home!

I promise we have not fallen off the face of the earth. I just got out of the hospital today and I am doing my best to update the blog soon for all of you. I may even try to get it all going tonight. This internet at home is not fast at all and I know when I get on to give you a full update, it is going to take 3 hours out of my time because I want to add pictures for you. I haven't wanted to take 3 hours away from my family to be on the internet. And I can't stay up anymore to do it when they are asleep. But, I owe all of you a really long post and I promise you WILL get it.

I did not have the baby. I had a great fall and have been in the hospital due to contractions. My pelvic bone has separated and I haven't been able to walk. It is the most pain I have ever been in in my life. I am much stronger today and was able to come home. At least I am out of the wheelchair and am able to walk on my own. I have a huge limp and I look very crippled when I walk, but I know I will soon be able to walk without a limp.

Please know we are doing well and adjusting well. Grisha is still doing way better than I ever anticipated. He is such a joy and I will explain more about him soon. Love you all and please, please be patient with me. As soon as I can get in a routine of writing again, I will be able to do this regularly. I am just about to give birth in a few weeks and I really need your patience. I hope you can understand.

We are home and doing well

I just wanted to let all of you know that we did make it home safely and I will post something soon. Thank you, Pam, for letting everyone know that we are home. :) Please know that everything is going well. It is actually going way better than I ever even anticipated. I have prayed for 3 years for a smooth transition for our family and so far, it has been exactly that. I am so thankful. I know problems will eventually arise and God will help me through it when the time comes. But right now, it is wonderful and we are all enjoying being together. I will post pictures soon. It may take me a few days, but I will get all of you caught up with everything as soon as I can. I had planned on staying up later at night to get things done on the computer while everyone was asleep, but I am crashing so early in the evenings now.

We are going to see Jacob today and it is nice the whole family will be there to see the sonogram. It could be the last pictures we see of him before he is born so we are excited to see him and get a good report today.

Thanks for your patience and understanding about the blog. You all have supported us so much and I definitely want to keep you updated on how we are. We love you and we will write again soon.

We're off.....

Lots of rambling....

I didn’t think we were going to have internet here in Kiev, but Vanya is letting us borrow his little internet connection modem. We haven’t been on much because it costs him per data usage. That is why I am not uploading pictures nor going on facebook as much. I have lots of pictures of Ukraine and the Black Sea that I will upload after we get home. Not sure when, but once I get settled in I will do my best to go through my thoughts and pictures. To also cut down on using the internet, I am typing in a word document and then I just have to copy and paste this post once I am connected. I have already written most of the post below, but I wanted to talk about how God has taken care of us here in Kiev. We are staying at a Christian University where Vanya has worked everything out for us. He knows the people here and it has been a wonderful place to stay. We love it. It is a big, 2 bedroom apartment and my jaw about dropped when we walked in. We are staying in the dorm for the teachers and it is so nice and comfortable. I think we are actually the only people in the building right now. The buildings seem new, but I am not sure if they are.Everything is quiet and peaceful. We have been so used to listening to the traffic outside in Odessa as we slept that this is a total different atmosphere for us. Now that everything is done, we have been able to relax here in Kiev. It has been very nice. We are not stressed and we are just enjoying a relaxing weekend here. It is also not very hot in Kiev as it was in Odessa. I am guessing because Odessa is in the south and Kiev is in the north. When I say God has taken care of us this trip, He has REALLY taken care of us. I can’t even tell you in this one single post everything He has done, but know we have gotten through somehow on very little money. Also, this beautiful place that we are in away from the city and hustle and bustle, is only $30/night. I have heard outrageous prices that adoptive parents have to pay. I thank God for our facilitators. They take care of us. They know that we do not have money and they do everything they can to work with us in our time of need. Kosyta and Vanya are great Christian men and they truly care about their families. We had to say goodbye to Vanya and that was hard. It was like saying goodbye to a brother. He has set us up with a driver to get us to the airport. He will pick us up at 4am. We didn’t need Vanya here and we wanted him to go home for a few days. He has been running so much and he needs some rest. He will be back in Odessa on Tues (which is an 18 hour train ride for him) and it is only right for him to go home. He doesn’t need to stay with us since we are finished. If he stayed with us until tomorrow, he would have to be on that night’s train to Odessa to be with the Tygart’s and there is no reason for it. Go home, Vanya, and enjoy time with your family. We want this for you. Back to our apartment… God loves us so much that he threw in a bathtub AND an air conditioner in here!! Oh, how he loves us. We also have a washer and dryer outside our front door in another little room. This is the first dryer I have seen in Ukraine. You should have seen Grisha’s face when I brought in the laundry. He felt a pair of his shorts and they were hot and dry. His face lit up and he said, “wow”! He had to hand it to his dad so JC could feel it. He doesn’t know anything about a dryer and it was so funny watching him try to figure out how his clothes got like that.

Okay, here is the post below that I started the other day.

Grisha is a great boy. I don’t want to pretend everything is rosey, but really we have hardly had any problems. The first few days were the hardest and when he gets around certain friends he acts like a maniac at times.

But, I want to talk about how my son is with me. I am not sure if I have described him well yet. We are still getting to know each other, but every single day gets easier and better. He doesn’t like to see me doing a task. I am not sure if it is because I am pregnant or if I am a lady. It is very sweet, though. It doesn’t matter what it is. I could be tying up the garbage bag and as soon as he sees me he says, “No, Ashley!” and he runs up to do it for me. We were walking across the street to the grocery store one time and I was carrying an empty bag. We bring bags to the store because you have to buy bags there if you do not have your own. You also bag your own groceries. When he saw me carrying it, he took it from me. Even though it was empty and there wasn’t anything in it, he doesn’t like me having to carry anything. I have so many examples of him doing things for me. It is an everyday thing for him to do something for me. He has also cleaned the kitchen twice and we did not tell him to do it. He cleaned it thoroughly two nights when we were playing cards with the Tygart’s. And when I say thoroughly, I mean thoroughly. He washed all the dishes, dried, and put them away. He cleaned all the counters and table. Everything looked spotless. We were so shocked that he did that. I told him he didn’t have to do that and I could have done it, but he was happy to do it for us. One day, I was washing dishes and Grisha saw me. He actually looked shocked (I don’t know why) and he smiled very big and said, “Thank you!” It was like he wasn’t used to adults cleaning and I think he was used to having to do it. That doesn’t surprise me because the children have to clean and scrub so much in the internat. I never saw one adult cleaning. I even saw kids hanging from the roof scrubbing the outside of windows.

He spends a lot of time with JC, but he has also been spending lots of time with me lately. He likes to help pack the suitcases and he is very excited about going home. When we are on a bus, he always makes sure I have a seat. He will run on the bus before me, grab a seat, and have me sit down when I get on. We were coming back from camp one day and two elderly ladies came on the bus. JC immediately got up so one could sit down and I saw Grisha get up from his seat as well. He guided the older lady to his seat and had her sit down.

I am a mother to boys and although I have many things I want to teach all of them, respecting women is a major one. I have not seen Grisha really respecting girls his age yet. The calm and quiet ones he does, but most of them are running around him and teasing him like they do at this age. He doesn’t calmly sit there as they are doing this. He will get up and chase them back and even throw something at them. He explains to me that they started it which I know they do because I see it all. There is still so much for us to work on with him about girls his age. But, I am so grateful that he already respects women and elderly women. This is a start and I thank God that he already has this trait. We will work on him respecting girls. This is a tough one. They all want to bother him and he is just so cute I see why. I have my hands full with the girls and I am becoming a Mama Bear when girls don’t stop looking at my son or when they are trying to flirt with him. I have so much anxiety about this. Everywhere we go, I have to endure girls gawking over my son and I DO NOT like it one bit. They stare at him on the bus, they stare at him as we are walking down the street, they flirt with him right before my eyes. They laugh and giggle over him and even try to touch him. Most of the time he is oblivious when we are walking down the street or on a bus and he is getting this attention. He doesn’t even know what is happening. But, there have been several times where I have seriously wanted to jump a girl. I do not know how moms of teenage boys handle all of this. If I could say the one thing that is the hardest about adopting a 13 year old boy, would have to be this. I have not been here yet and I can honestly admit to all of you that I am not doing well in this department. I know I can’t hover over him at all times and keep them away from him, but if I could, I certainly would. I do not understand how parents could allow their girls to act this way. Just as I am trying to teach my son to respect them, I feel parents of girls need to teach their girls to not run after boys. When did it change when all the girls started running after the boys? My dad never even allowed me to call a boy on the phone. If he didn’t call me, he wasn’t worth it. Now it is like everything has gotten out of order. If anyone is reading from my church and you have a girl around Grisha’s age, please know now that Grisha is not allowed to date. He will not date until God brings him his wife. That goes for all my boys. There is no dating, period. Call me crazy and that is fine, but this is where our family stands and our boys do not need to date. Do you drive a car without a license? There is no need for them to date and have that temptation. There is no need for them to ever be alone with a girl that is not their wife. If this girl is not his wife, then he doesn’t have a license to be with her.

Other parents may think this is extreme and that is fine. You may wonder how will they meet their wife if they aren’t allowed to date? A lot of you know my background, but some may not. I am divorced. I got married at a very young age and had Samuel almost 2 years later. It was an abusive and controlling marriage. I do not want to get into all the details, but I ended up a single mom. That was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I understand single moms and what they go through. Again, I am not here to describe all of it, but if you ever want to ask me about it, please go ahead. I did not surrender my life to Christ until Samuel was almost 5. I am not proud of my life. Even though I am divorced, I do not promote it. I made a lot of mistakes before I surrendered my life 100% to Jesus. I wanted to be married again and I wanted more children. I prayed and prayed for this. I wanted Samuel to have a father. My ex-husband has not seen Samuel since he was 5 months old. I wanted so much for my son. I started praying for the kind of husband I wanted. I didn’t want to date because I didn’t want different men coming in and out of Samuel’s life. I didn’t want him getting attached to someone and then it not working out. With all of that being said, I also thought how would it work if I didn’t date? How would I know how they are with Samuel and how will I know how Samuel is with them? How do I know who God wants me to marry if I don’t date him? So, I started praying. God knew my dilemma and He knew my heart on this matter. Let me back up. After I had been praying for a bit, I had to be content that it would always be Samuel and me. I had to accept the fact that God may not want me to be married again and have more children. I had to give up my desire for this. Once I learned to be content, that is when he brought me JC. But, let me explain how I prayed for a husband. I was specific. I knew that I never wanted to be divorced again so I knew it had to be done right. I knew that I couldn’t settle for less than God’s best. I prayed that where my weaknesses are, that is where his strengths are and vice versa. That is how we would give each other strength. I prayed that my husband would have the same beliefs as me and that he would go to church with me. I had seen a lot of women who were married at church, but I never saw their husbands. They did it all alone and took the kids to church. I wanted my husband by my side at church and for him to be with the children and me there. I made a promise to God that I would wait until marriage. I couldn’t change the past, but I could make a declaration to God that I would not have sex until I was married. And I wanted a man that did not expect that from me. I prayed specifically for the man I wanted as my husband. I didn’t pray for looks because I do not care about that. When I say specifics, I don’t mean down to the hair and eye color.

We were going through 40 Days of Purpose in my small group on Sunday nights. It was the last class of the series and I had hardly spoken in all of the weeks I had been there. That is a whole other story and a book in itself, but to shorten it, I didn’t want people to get to know me. I didn’t want people knowing who I was and my past. It was easier for me to go to church and leave and for no one to know who I really was. The teacher and his wife did know me some and they had tried reaching out to me. The pastor also knew me because I had been counseling with him. He made me promise to open up to my group that night. With hands sweating and my heart beating so fast, I tortured myself the whole class. Why did I promise the preacher I would open up to these people? My teacher Cory was asking us what section in the book affected us the most (or something like that) and I knew which chapter it was. It was all about surrendering. I think I had every part of that chapter highlighted. I remember Cory looking up at the clock and saying we only had 15 more minutes of class left. I knew it was now or never. So, I started to attempt talking about surrendering. Then, the tears came. I just poured it all out and even began telling people what I wanted in a husband down to someone that didn’t smoke…haha I am sure this was a shock because this was the girl that sat there quiet for all these weeks and now she won’t shut up and is crying on top of it all.

Later, Cory and Dawn (who are now my aunt and uncle, but were my teachers at the time) said that on the way home, they looked at each other and said, “You know the person Ashley described as her husband?” The other one agreed and they didn’t have to say who it was to each other. They both just knew it was their nephew without words having to be said.

It is such a long story, but the whole church apparently knew who my husband was (including my sister) before I knew. They all tried getting us together, but they said we actually just kind of did it on our own. JC was the director of the AWANA games for kids. So, Samuel already knew him and liked him and JC already knew Samuel and liked him. We were having a Christmas dinner at church and we just started talking. We talked and talked forever. Everyone was around, but it seemed like he and I were the only ones in the room. We were even still talking when people were cleaning up and lots of people had already left. I didn’t even know until I looked around and wondered how it had been that long already. Samuel had been playing with a soccer ball and JC got up and started playing with him. JC loves soccer and was showing Samuel some different techniques. Samuel was so happy he was taking the time with him and it made me proud watching the two of them. I knew this guy was different and I secretly knew even then that he was the one I was going to marry.
Two and a half months later, we did marry and we will never be separated. We both just knew. Everything I prayed for in a husband, he had which was kind of scary at first. When he would say something, I was almost taken back because it would be the words I used to God and no one else could have possibly known this. I also made it clear from the get go that I was waiting until marriage and that I didn’t want him to expect that from me. He looked at me like I had 10 eyes. He couldn’t believe that I would think he would even try that. He explained to me that he was a virgin and he made a promise to God when he was a child that he would wait. He had a purity ring that he showed me that his grandfather gave him. I felt pretty small that I made him feel awkward, but I knew he needed to know where I stood. And I was glad that I said it because we both knew where we stood in our beliefs and we didn’t have to worry about what the other thought. It was also nice because he could open up to me about how hard it was being a virgin in today’s world. He would explain how guys would talk and his friends couldn’t understand why he would want to wait and not “test the waters”. So, it brought more conversations where we could get to know each other more and understand each other more.

There is so much to tell, but I just don’t have the time. My boys will be awake soon, but I will try to hurry and sum it up. We did go out a few times on a “date”, but let me explain that we knew we were going to marry each other. We weren’t “dating” all these people and God had confirmed it to both of us that we would marry. My children are KIDS and it is not time for them to marry. It is time for them to be kids and enjoy their childhood. They do not need to be worrying about girls right now. There is so much more to focus on than dating at this age.
I am not sure if this explained why I don’t want my children to date, but I do want to say that God answers prayers. When it is time for my boys to marry, God will send the woman along that He intends for them. They do not have to look for her. In God’s perfect timing, she will be there and He will reveal it. That may sound too simple for some, but this is what I truly believe. I know I am opening myself for some rude comments that could come my way, but that is okay.

I started this post about Grisha’s personality and I didn’t even intend to talk about girls or dating. It just kind of came out as I was typing. I will leave it because it is what I started thinking about as I typed. It always seems like I start rambling away from what I originally started…oh well. You see I am a woman and like spaghetti (some know what I am talking about – for others…read the book – Men are like waffles, women are like spaghetti). I better go before I get on something else.

See you all in America! Love you!

Oh, forgot to say something else about our family. JC adopted Samuel December 4, 2008. We are very proud of this and Samuel is so happy to have Fumia as his last name. Other facts about us: We got pregnant with Gabriel only after being married a month, we just adopted Grisha on June 11, 2009, and we are expecting Jacob summer of 2009. After only being married 5 years and 4 months, our family has grown very fast. We couldn’t be happier about our 4 boys, though and God has truly blessed our family.

He takes what’s broken and molds it. There is absolutely nothing that you have done that God cannot forgive. Allow Him to use you. Be obedient and see what He has for you. Read His instruction manual for your life (The Bible) so you will know how to live. Everything is in there. We talk about how there are no instructions that come with a child when you become a parent, but YES THERE ARE! God has given it to us and we just need to open it and read it.