KONY 2012 from INVISIBLE CHILDREN on Vimeo.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Invisible Children
This has just been brought to my attention by my cousin Jamie. Please watch the WHOLE thing when you have about thirty minutes of interrupted time. Watch, PRAY, AND DO SOMETHING!
Thursday, March 01, 2012
God is giving me ideas after ideas!!!! We want you to be a part!!!! Please read about next book.
The book is coming along great. God has really showed up in bringing the right people along to help with this. This book is about speaking up for those who cannot speak up for themselves. It is about the unborn. Some chose abortion. Some chose adoption. Some chose not to go through with an abortion and have the baby to raise themselves. I am wrapping up this book so please send your stories to: speakup3189@yahoo.com if you still would like to be a part of this book. If you work in a pro-life ministry, you can certainly be a part as well and write something. I would love to hear from you and the stories you have of what you have seen God do. I am also looking for pictures of babies in the womb...real pictures...not drawings. So, if you have any ultrasound pictures (3D would be preferred, but not necessary), you can also send your pictures to this email address. I am accepting pictures from all stages of pregnancy, but would love some as early as you have them to show these are people even very early on. I need as clear of a picture as you have and that shows features as best as possible. I can not guarantee your picture will be in the book, but I will do my best to get as many in there as I can. Please do not send pictures you found on the internet unless you can provide written permission from the owner of those pictures. Also, if you have a story in the book, you can submit a family picture, an individual pic of yourself, one of the child you decided not to abort, you working as a pro-life advocate...any pic you would like with your story. Thanks.
With all that being said, there will be another "speak up" book coming...hehe The above book is speaking up for the unborn and if you can guess what the next speak up book will be about...yep....ORPHANS!!! I KNOW so many of you that read this blog will be able to send in your stories. Here is what I am looking for:
Adoption stories - yes, I have adoption stories in my current book, but they are mostly about the mother deciding what alternative is best. If they chose adoption, they had already had a family picked out. Adoption stories I am looking for in the new book is a child that was already an orphan before a family came. Does that make sense? Yes, they could be a baby when they got their family or they could have been an older child. Just share your story...most of our stories are we are the ones that are blessed. Even though people look at it as we are the ones who "rescued" or "saved" the child, in reality, a lot of the times it seems the child is the one who "rescued" us. We find out so much about ourselves and are truly blessed when this child comes into our lives. You can talk about the state the child was in when you learned of them and how that child has changed since coming home. You know your story and every story is different. The adoption stories do not have to come from the parent. They can come from any family member - the sibling, the adopted child, the grandparent, or even a friend. If you are the friend, you can speak of how this child has even changed you or the people around you. How this adoption affected your life or how you've seen how the family has been affected. I welcome any adoption story from any point of view.
Foster Parents - You are so important. You impact a child's life when their lives seem so chaotic. You are stability for them during the time that they need you. Some foster kids end up being adopted and some do not. I welcome all of these stories as well.
Missionary stories and mission trip stories - You definitely have many stories to tell about orphans. Write about what you've seen. Some missionaries are "undercover" and can't tell what country they are in because it could even be dangerous. If you wish to remain anonymous, that is fine and I welcome your story.
Social Workers - You have seen a lot. You are on a completely different end, but you do have a voice. I am not sure what you can share due to the confidential nature of your job, but maybe you can share something. You can even share how this job has affected you...good or bad. Or maybe you are allowed to share stories without giving names. I am not sure, but you would know. :)
It does not even have to be in these categories for you to share your story. We are speaking up for those who cannot speak up for themselves and I want these books to reflect Proverbs 31:8,9.
I have set up an email for this book. It is a different one from the one above so please make sure your story gets to the right book. Please send stories for the second "speak up" book to speakupforfatherless@yahoo.com I look forward to getting your stories and I hope I can get this published this year as well. It is going to be a beautiful book that everyone should have in their home. :)
Oh, and yes you can submit pics with your stories in this book as well. :)
With all that being said, there will be another "speak up" book coming...hehe The above book is speaking up for the unborn and if you can guess what the next speak up book will be about...yep....ORPHANS!!! I KNOW so many of you that read this blog will be able to send in your stories. Here is what I am looking for:
Adoption stories - yes, I have adoption stories in my current book, but they are mostly about the mother deciding what alternative is best. If they chose adoption, they had already had a family picked out. Adoption stories I am looking for in the new book is a child that was already an orphan before a family came. Does that make sense? Yes, they could be a baby when they got their family or they could have been an older child. Just share your story...most of our stories are we are the ones that are blessed. Even though people look at it as we are the ones who "rescued" or "saved" the child, in reality, a lot of the times it seems the child is the one who "rescued" us. We find out so much about ourselves and are truly blessed when this child comes into our lives. You can talk about the state the child was in when you learned of them and how that child has changed since coming home. You know your story and every story is different. The adoption stories do not have to come from the parent. They can come from any family member - the sibling, the adopted child, the grandparent, or even a friend. If you are the friend, you can speak of how this child has even changed you or the people around you. How this adoption affected your life or how you've seen how the family has been affected. I welcome any adoption story from any point of view.
Foster Parents - You are so important. You impact a child's life when their lives seem so chaotic. You are stability for them during the time that they need you. Some foster kids end up being adopted and some do not. I welcome all of these stories as well.
Missionary stories and mission trip stories - You definitely have many stories to tell about orphans. Write about what you've seen. Some missionaries are "undercover" and can't tell what country they are in because it could even be dangerous. If you wish to remain anonymous, that is fine and I welcome your story.
Social Workers - You have seen a lot. You are on a completely different end, but you do have a voice. I am not sure what you can share due to the confidential nature of your job, but maybe you can share something. You can even share how this job has affected you...good or bad. Or maybe you are allowed to share stories without giving names. I am not sure, but you would know. :)
It does not even have to be in these categories for you to share your story. We are speaking up for those who cannot speak up for themselves and I want these books to reflect Proverbs 31:8,9.
I have set up an email for this book. It is a different one from the one above so please make sure your story gets to the right book. Please send stories for the second "speak up" book to speakupforfatherless@yahoo.com I look forward to getting your stories and I hope I can get this published this year as well. It is going to be a beautiful book that everyone should have in their home. :)
Oh, and yes you can submit pics with your stories in this book as well. :)
Thursday, February 16, 2012
New videos posted
I have uploaded the videos on the right side of the blog. You can click on each video to watch them. I am taking down the posts of the videos, because it takes up so much space. There are two new ones that have been completed recently. Grisha's and Natasha's are finally done. I want to make one for each child, but it will take some time. I will need to scan older pictures and we do not have a scanner at this time. But, they will eventually get done. :) Thanks for watching our videos. They are very time consuming and it is nice when people take the time to watch so I thank you. Have a great day!
Monday, February 06, 2012
An Angel in Heaven now
I just found out that a little boy who was adopted 8 months ago from Ukraine has passed away. He was 11 years old. My heart is broken and I can't stop crying. Before he died, he cried his first tears that his mom ever saw since adopting him. I thank God that Brandon knew his mother loved him. Here are the words from the mother on her last post before he passed away.
The First Tears
The young warrior is down for the count. Brandon officially came down with the flu late afternoon yesterday. I knew something was up when he turned down dinner and went upstairs and fell fast asleep. He threw up most of the night and moaned and groaned from abdominal pain.
Is there anything more pitiful than a sick boy or man? Even the strongest of warriors appreciate a mother’s care and love when they don’t feel well. It actually brought my son to tears when I wiped off his mouth and cheek. “Thanks, Mom” and the tears flowed as he wiped them away immediately. This was the first time I have ever seen the boy cry tears. He puts up a macho front. He’s been taught since birth that men don’t cry. In fact as he had a tooth drilled without any drugs at 7 years of age, the doctor said if he cried, he’d drill harder. Trying to reprogram that mindset has failed until this point. Son, real men cry. Dad cries. Grandpa and BeBe cry. Pastor Sean cries. Even Jesus Christ wept.
Anyway, I hate that my boy is sick. I feel so helpless. However, it’s nice to know that underneath all his fledgling muscles and toughness is a heart of gold, which is soft and tender. I’m honored to be able to care for him when he needs me the most.
http://followingclosely.blogspot.com Here is the Kerr Family blog. Please pray for them and continue praying for the long haul.
The First Tears
The young warrior is down for the count. Brandon officially came down with the flu late afternoon yesterday. I knew something was up when he turned down dinner and went upstairs and fell fast asleep. He threw up most of the night and moaned and groaned from abdominal pain.
Is there anything more pitiful than a sick boy or man? Even the strongest of warriors appreciate a mother’s care and love when they don’t feel well. It actually brought my son to tears when I wiped off his mouth and cheek. “Thanks, Mom” and the tears flowed as he wiped them away immediately. This was the first time I have ever seen the boy cry tears. He puts up a macho front. He’s been taught since birth that men don’t cry. In fact as he had a tooth drilled without any drugs at 7 years of age, the doctor said if he cried, he’d drill harder. Trying to reprogram that mindset has failed until this point. Son, real men cry. Dad cries. Grandpa and BeBe cry. Pastor Sean cries. Even Jesus Christ wept.
Anyway, I hate that my boy is sick. I feel so helpless. However, it’s nice to know that underneath all his fledgling muscles and toughness is a heart of gold, which is soft and tender. I’m honored to be able to care for him when he needs me the most.
http://followingclosely.blogspot.com Here is the Kerr Family blog. Please pray for them and continue praying for the long haul.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Who am I?
I have been emailing with a family member about who we are in Christ. I came across this website and wanted to share this list with you. I think it can help someone today. Even if you already know this, it is a great reminder to all of us to see how God sees us. We are a citizen of heaven. We are seated in heavenly places. I do not live in this realm - maybe that is why many do not understand me. :-)
I am a child of God – John 1:12
I am chosen before the creation of the world – Ephesians 1:4
I am fearfully, wonderfully made – Psalm 139:14
I am a friend of God – John 15:15
I am God’s workmanship – Ephesians 2:10
I am dearly loved – Colossians 3:12
I am forgiven – Colossians 1:14
I am justified – Romans 5:1
I am no longer condemned – Romans 8:1
I am holy & blameless – Ephesians 1:4
I am set free – Romans 8:2
I am rescued from the curse of the law – Galatians 3:13
I am a new creation – 2 Corinthians 5:17
I am dead to sin & alive in Christ – Ephesians 2:5
I am a member of God’s household – Ephesians 2:18
I am adopted as a child of God – Ephesians 1:5
My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit – 1 Corinthians 6:19
I was bought with a price – 1 Corinthians 6:20
I am complete through Christ – Colossians 2:10
I am seated with Christ in heavenly places – Ephesians 2:6
I have been given great & precious promises – 2 Peter 1:4
I share His divine nature & escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires – 2 Peter 1:4
God will never fail or abandon me – Hebrews 13:5
I don’t have a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline – 2 Timothy 1:7
I am an heir, with Christ, in God’s glory – Romans 8:17
I am victorious – Romans 8:37
I am a light in the world – Matthew 5:14
I have all my needs supplied – Philippians 4:19
I can do all things through Christ – Philippians 4:13
I am a child of God – John 1:12
I am chosen before the creation of the world – Ephesians 1:4
I am fearfully, wonderfully made – Psalm 139:14
I am a friend of God – John 15:15
I am God’s workmanship – Ephesians 2:10
I am dearly loved – Colossians 3:12
I am forgiven – Colossians 1:14
I am justified – Romans 5:1
I am no longer condemned – Romans 8:1
I am holy & blameless – Ephesians 1:4
I am set free – Romans 8:2
I am rescued from the curse of the law – Galatians 3:13
I am a new creation – 2 Corinthians 5:17
I am dead to sin & alive in Christ – Ephesians 2:5
I am a member of God’s household – Ephesians 2:18
I am adopted as a child of God – Ephesians 1:5
My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit – 1 Corinthians 6:19
I was bought with a price – 1 Corinthians 6:20
I am complete through Christ – Colossians 2:10
I am seated with Christ in heavenly places – Ephesians 2:6
I have been given great & precious promises – 2 Peter 1:4
I share His divine nature & escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires – 2 Peter 1:4
God will never fail or abandon me – Hebrews 13:5
I don’t have a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline – 2 Timothy 1:7
I am an heir, with Christ, in God’s glory – Romans 8:17
I am victorious – Romans 8:37
I am a light in the world – Matthew 5:14
I have all my needs supplied – Philippians 4:19
I can do all things through Christ – Philippians 4:13
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Psalm 23
Yesterday I saw Psalm 23 just about everywhere. It seemed no matter where I turned, I saw this reference. In the middle of the night I was praying. I kept thanking God for the favor I seem to have with Him. He keeps overwhelming me with His love and brings blessings out of nowhere. It is absolutely nothing I have done, but He continues to show me that I have favor. As I was praying, I remembered that I kept seeing Psalm 23 during the day. I could not stand it anymore so I opened up my Bible to see if there was something I was supposed to see in this passage.
Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord Forever.
There are many things that God wants me to see in this passage, but I will publicly share a couple of them. It was cool that I was just thanking Him for His favor and then this says, "surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life." And the best part is DWELLING IN HIS HOUSE FOREVER! Thank you, Jesus! Totally the best part for me is to be with Him always. This is what I long for and live for.
There is also something else that I was praying about before I saw this passage. Something really bad happened yesterday. There was a shooting in some apartments directly by Natasha and Samuel's school. Two people were killed. They had 5 schools on lockdown. As I was praying, thoughts began to run through my mind and I began thinking with my fleshly mind. I began regretting sending my kids to school because what if something bad happens to them like a shooter coming in the school? Before I went to bed, I was watching the news and found out this killer is on the run and has not been caught. I did not know that so a fear starting creeping in. I even had a thought that I was not going to get out and walk with the little boys today because what if this guy comes running through my neighborhood? I was even thinking I need to remember to lock the door and stay inside with the blinds closed.
Okay, ya'll...I am thanking God for the favor He has on my life. I start to thank Him for keeping my children safe that were right next door to the shooting. I begin praying that this guy gets caught ASAP and then all of a sudden, I have thoughts running through my head. Jesus MUST think I am a lunatic. How can I pray the things I do and then He hears my thoughts? Is that not double minded? I say I trust Him and then my thoughts do not show it...more on double mindedness in a moment. You know what? Jesus does not think I am a lunatic, though...haha. I may at times think He thinks that of me, but He doesn't. :)
Let me back up. Earlier in the day (before I even knew about the shooting), I received a message from a friend. Here is the exact message:
By the way, just saw this and thought it was encouraging. Let your faith be bigger than your fear.
I did not realize how prophetic that would be actually until this morning. God was preparing me in many ways yesterday. He was showing me Psalm 23 all throughout the day although I did not look it up until late in the night. Also, I got this verse early in the morning yesterday. James 1:2-8 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.
I know I am all over the the place with my writing, but try to stay with me here. I write like I talk and it is a lot of rambling. Some people will be able to get what I am trying to say and I thank you for your patience.
I am trying to lose 15 lbs my March and I had written my MIL and explained I was not doing well. I talked about how I could not get motivated and I needed something else to get me going besides motivation. I also said you would think with all my numbers being bad that that would be motivating enough (numbers like cholesterol, triglicerides, etc.. - ALL were not even in normal range). But for some reason, I get excited in the beginning and then it goes out the window. This was her response and it was perfect for me!
It’s not motivation! So, if it’s NOT motivation ~ or wanting to ~ what is it?? Before I just answer that… first let me ask you… how many verses do you know that are about telling the truth, speaking what you mean to do, letting your yea’s be yea’s and your no’s be no’s. How many other verses can you look to that talk about a double minded man? What we declare or commit to is never based on whether we want to or not, it’s based on that we gave our word to something. Consider that what will take the three of us to March is that we gave our word to it. It’s integrity! Not that we’d be bad or wrong if we slip and don’t follow through with what we said we’d do, but that we’d acknowledge that we weren’t our word and re-commit and then do what we said we would do!! I’m looking to this three months to grow my own word… knowing myself as someone that can give their word to something and then stick to it.
WOAH! That hit me hard! It was so true! It is about doing what I SAY I am going to do. It is about me saying something and actually sticking by it and bringing it to completion.
But do you see what also just happened? That was the second time in the day that I also saw the word "double minded". I also didn't know how prophetic that word would be, either. God was showing me so many things throughout the day. You can call it a coincidence, but I think not.
Even though I was being double minded last night, it is not a knock on the head by God. He is not being mean to me. Many people think when they are feeling convicted that God is a mean God always ready to knock them down when they make a mistake. No, He is still loving. Think about this - if you let your children do whatever they want, is that love? If you see them doing something wrong and do not correct them, is that love? You want to protect them and stop them if you see them doing any kind of destructive behavior to themselves or anyone else. If God let me do whatever I want (or even think whatever I want), He wouldn't love me. Call me crazy, but it is true and what I believe about Him. If our parenting is supposed to mirror His parenting towards us, then love also means correction. I WANT to be corrected. I NEED to be corrected. That is how I grow. That is how He prunes me. He gives, but also takes away. It is for my own good and for HIS Glory!
I have learned that I need people to just tell me like it is. Don't sugar coat things or make something that it's not. Or don't make something sound better than it is. If it is not okay, say it is not okay. When I open up about some of my bad days with my children, people tell me I am just human and we all yell sometimes. At times, I like hearing that because I know I am not alone and other moms yell sometimes. It seems about two times a month I lose it. I am getting so much better than I used to and I am proud of myself. But, I know something is wrong when I act that way or shoot my kids down for no reason at all. I could just be in a bad mood and I am mean to everyone in my family. Little things could set me off one day that does not set me off the day before. Jamie (my cousin) said to me, "It's NOT okay to be that way towards your children." She said many more things that were straight to the point. No beating around the bush or sugar coating it. It made me see what I was actually doing to them when I act like that. Other people just said, "You are hard on yourself and you are a great mom." Even though it made me feel better at the time, it did not really help me to NOT act like that. Does that make sense? I need someone to come along and actually correct me instead of always patting me on the back. If I want to change certain behaviors, I need to be corrected.
He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
That is exactly it! It is all for Him and I only want the glory to be His.
I hope this helps someone else like it helped me. These are two separate things, but two things He showed me yesterday. Let your faith be bigger than your fear and allow God to correct you. He does it in a loving way and if you feel condemnation it is not from Him. There is no condemnation for those that are in Christ (Romans 8:1).
If you have surrendered your life to Jesus... That does not mean saying a certain prayer with certain words that someone said you HAVE to say in order to be saved. Your words to God are your own. You could have just said, "Lord, I give you my life. I want to follow you all the days of my life." You could have said, "I need you, Jesus. I want you to come inside my heart and live in me." You could say, "Take over my life and lead me." It is the heart that God saw when you said those words. If you truly believe when you said your words that Jesus died for you and came back alive, then you are saved. He has forgiven you of your sins (Ephesians 1:7, Colossians 1:13-14, Colossians 2:13-14, Psalm 85:2, 1 John 2:12, Psalm 103:3, Acts 13:38-39, Isaiah 43:25, Hebrews 8:12, just to name a few)and the Holy Spirit is inside of you (Ezekiel 36:26-27, John 14:16-17, Acts 1:8, Romans 5:5, Romans 8:26, 1 John 3:24, Eph 1:13-14, Galatians 4:6-7 - I don't even know all the ones to write). You will begin to hear His voice. You will begin to know which one is His. You will begin to know when He is speaking to you through signs, scriptures, other people, dreams, etc... If you still are having trouble hearing Him, tell Him. Talk to Him and be real. Explain that you don't know how to hear Him. You hear people talking about how God told them something and you haven't had that experience with Him. Ask Him to show you. Ask Him to help you hear Him and see the things He wants you to see. Ask every single day. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in everything you do and in every decision you make. Pray it everyday. Surround yourself with people that will build you up and not tear you down. Christians are the worst at tearing other Christians down. Lots of people limit God and mold and shape Him the way they feel He should fit into their lives. Ask God to bring the right people to help you in your spiritual walk. Ask God to get rid of things that could be hendering you from following Him. Ask Him to show you what those things are. The way my relationship with Jesus is, I have been told I am in a cult. I have been told I believe in "false prophets." So, be prepared to be told you are crazy. Do not let that scare you because living for Jesus is the best way to live. I do not know how people get through this life without Him. He will never leave you and He will never forsake you (Hebrews 13:5, Deut 31:6, Deut 31:8, Joshua 1:5, 1 Chronicles 28:20, Isaiah 42:16, just to name a few). His love for you is unconditional, it is unfailing, you have been set apart, and He has great plans for you.(Ephesians 3:16-21, Psalm 36:5-7, Jeremiah 1:4-5, Jeremiah 29:11, Isaiah 49:15-16, Psalm 48:9, Jeremiah 31:3, Psalm 136:26, Lamentations 3:22-25, Luke 12:6-7, 1 John 4:9-10, John 3:16, Romans 8:35-39, 1 John 3:1, and there is soooooo much more!). Did you know that He sings over you? Zephaniah 3:17 "The LORD your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”
Explaination of what I said above to explain more of what I meant.
Romans 10:8-13 But what does it say? “The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart,” that is, the word of faith we are proclaiming: That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame.” For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
The sample prayers I mentioned above say, "Jesus is Lord" if any of you are not understanding my simple prayers. The point I am getting across is that it does not need to be a fancy prayer to cry out to God. He sees your heart and knows when you want Him to be "Lord" of your life. He also knows when you are confessing with your mouth that you know you have been a sinner and cannot live without Him. You can say those things to Him as well if you'd like. Let's let God be the judge of their heart and their words. Let's not ever say they didn't say the right words so they are not "saved." Many people say the right words by "man's religion" and it is only words they are saying and are never saved. Someone else can cry out to Jesus and can barely speak at all because of their brokenness and wanting Him in their life and they are truly saved.
I hope you take away from this blog that there really is a God who wants a personal relationship with you. You cannot live off someone else's faith...not even your pastor's or spouse's. It has to be personal. He wants to be involved in your life. Let Him be real to you. He is alive. He is not someone who is watching you from far off. He is interested in you and all the details. Nothing is too small for you to bring to Him. He is not interested in someone else's life more than yours. You have to believe that because I know there are many times when you don't. This is for you! He cares about YOU! Don't let these be just words you are reading. It is not about a denomination, either so don't make it about that. Surrender your life to Jesus today and experience the best ride of your life. Experience a love like no one else on this earth can love you. You will know that you will live with Him forever. "Most assuredly, I say unto you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life." (John 5:24)
Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord Forever.
There are many things that God wants me to see in this passage, but I will publicly share a couple of them. It was cool that I was just thanking Him for His favor and then this says, "surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life." And the best part is DWELLING IN HIS HOUSE FOREVER! Thank you, Jesus! Totally the best part for me is to be with Him always. This is what I long for and live for.
There is also something else that I was praying about before I saw this passage. Something really bad happened yesterday. There was a shooting in some apartments directly by Natasha and Samuel's school. Two people were killed. They had 5 schools on lockdown. As I was praying, thoughts began to run through my mind and I began thinking with my fleshly mind. I began regretting sending my kids to school because what if something bad happens to them like a shooter coming in the school? Before I went to bed, I was watching the news and found out this killer is on the run and has not been caught. I did not know that so a fear starting creeping in. I even had a thought that I was not going to get out and walk with the little boys today because what if this guy comes running through my neighborhood? I was even thinking I need to remember to lock the door and stay inside with the blinds closed.
Okay, ya'll...I am thanking God for the favor He has on my life. I start to thank Him for keeping my children safe that were right next door to the shooting. I begin praying that this guy gets caught ASAP and then all of a sudden, I have thoughts running through my head. Jesus MUST think I am a lunatic. How can I pray the things I do and then He hears my thoughts? Is that not double minded? I say I trust Him and then my thoughts do not show it...more on double mindedness in a moment. You know what? Jesus does not think I am a lunatic, though...haha. I may at times think He thinks that of me, but He doesn't. :)
Let me back up. Earlier in the day (before I even knew about the shooting), I received a message from a friend. Here is the exact message:
By the way, just saw this and thought it was encouraging. Let your faith be bigger than your fear.
I did not realize how prophetic that would be actually until this morning. God was preparing me in many ways yesterday. He was showing me Psalm 23 all throughout the day although I did not look it up until late in the night. Also, I got this verse early in the morning yesterday. James 1:2-8 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.
I know I am all over the the place with my writing, but try to stay with me here. I write like I talk and it is a lot of rambling. Some people will be able to get what I am trying to say and I thank you for your patience.
I am trying to lose 15 lbs my March and I had written my MIL and explained I was not doing well. I talked about how I could not get motivated and I needed something else to get me going besides motivation. I also said you would think with all my numbers being bad that that would be motivating enough (numbers like cholesterol, triglicerides, etc.. - ALL were not even in normal range). But for some reason, I get excited in the beginning and then it goes out the window. This was her response and it was perfect for me!
It’s not motivation! So, if it’s NOT motivation ~ or wanting to ~ what is it?? Before I just answer that… first let me ask you… how many verses do you know that are about telling the truth, speaking what you mean to do, letting your yea’s be yea’s and your no’s be no’s. How many other verses can you look to that talk about a double minded man? What we declare or commit to is never based on whether we want to or not, it’s based on that we gave our word to something. Consider that what will take the three of us to March is that we gave our word to it. It’s integrity! Not that we’d be bad or wrong if we slip and don’t follow through with what we said we’d do, but that we’d acknowledge that we weren’t our word and re-commit and then do what we said we would do!! I’m looking to this three months to grow my own word… knowing myself as someone that can give their word to something and then stick to it.
WOAH! That hit me hard! It was so true! It is about doing what I SAY I am going to do. It is about me saying something and actually sticking by it and bringing it to completion.
But do you see what also just happened? That was the second time in the day that I also saw the word "double minded". I also didn't know how prophetic that word would be, either. God was showing me so many things throughout the day. You can call it a coincidence, but I think not.
Even though I was being double minded last night, it is not a knock on the head by God. He is not being mean to me. Many people think when they are feeling convicted that God is a mean God always ready to knock them down when they make a mistake. No, He is still loving. Think about this - if you let your children do whatever they want, is that love? If you see them doing something wrong and do not correct them, is that love? You want to protect them and stop them if you see them doing any kind of destructive behavior to themselves or anyone else. If God let me do whatever I want (or even think whatever I want), He wouldn't love me. Call me crazy, but it is true and what I believe about Him. If our parenting is supposed to mirror His parenting towards us, then love also means correction. I WANT to be corrected. I NEED to be corrected. That is how I grow. That is how He prunes me. He gives, but also takes away. It is for my own good and for HIS Glory!
I have learned that I need people to just tell me like it is. Don't sugar coat things or make something that it's not. Or don't make something sound better than it is. If it is not okay, say it is not okay. When I open up about some of my bad days with my children, people tell me I am just human and we all yell sometimes. At times, I like hearing that because I know I am not alone and other moms yell sometimes. It seems about two times a month I lose it. I am getting so much better than I used to and I am proud of myself. But, I know something is wrong when I act that way or shoot my kids down for no reason at all. I could just be in a bad mood and I am mean to everyone in my family. Little things could set me off one day that does not set me off the day before. Jamie (my cousin) said to me, "It's NOT okay to be that way towards your children." She said many more things that were straight to the point. No beating around the bush or sugar coating it. It made me see what I was actually doing to them when I act like that. Other people just said, "You are hard on yourself and you are a great mom." Even though it made me feel better at the time, it did not really help me to NOT act like that. Does that make sense? I need someone to come along and actually correct me instead of always patting me on the back. If I want to change certain behaviors, I need to be corrected.
He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
That is exactly it! It is all for Him and I only want the glory to be His.
I hope this helps someone else like it helped me. These are two separate things, but two things He showed me yesterday. Let your faith be bigger than your fear and allow God to correct you. He does it in a loving way and if you feel condemnation it is not from Him. There is no condemnation for those that are in Christ (Romans 8:1).
If you have surrendered your life to Jesus... That does not mean saying a certain prayer with certain words that someone said you HAVE to say in order to be saved. Your words to God are your own. You could have just said, "Lord, I give you my life. I want to follow you all the days of my life." You could have said, "I need you, Jesus. I want you to come inside my heart and live in me." You could say, "Take over my life and lead me." It is the heart that God saw when you said those words. If you truly believe when you said your words that Jesus died for you and came back alive, then you are saved. He has forgiven you of your sins (Ephesians 1:7, Colossians 1:13-14, Colossians 2:13-14, Psalm 85:2, 1 John 2:12, Psalm 103:3, Acts 13:38-39, Isaiah 43:25, Hebrews 8:12, just to name a few)and the Holy Spirit is inside of you (Ezekiel 36:26-27, John 14:16-17, Acts 1:8, Romans 5:5, Romans 8:26, 1 John 3:24, Eph 1:13-14, Galatians 4:6-7 - I don't even know all the ones to write). You will begin to hear His voice. You will begin to know which one is His. You will begin to know when He is speaking to you through signs, scriptures, other people, dreams, etc... If you still are having trouble hearing Him, tell Him. Talk to Him and be real. Explain that you don't know how to hear Him. You hear people talking about how God told them something and you haven't had that experience with Him. Ask Him to show you. Ask Him to help you hear Him and see the things He wants you to see. Ask every single day. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in everything you do and in every decision you make. Pray it everyday. Surround yourself with people that will build you up and not tear you down. Christians are the worst at tearing other Christians down. Lots of people limit God and mold and shape Him the way they feel He should fit into their lives. Ask God to bring the right people to help you in your spiritual walk. Ask God to get rid of things that could be hendering you from following Him. Ask Him to show you what those things are. The way my relationship with Jesus is, I have been told I am in a cult. I have been told I believe in "false prophets." So, be prepared to be told you are crazy. Do not let that scare you because living for Jesus is the best way to live. I do not know how people get through this life without Him. He will never leave you and He will never forsake you (Hebrews 13:5, Deut 31:6, Deut 31:8, Joshua 1:5, 1 Chronicles 28:20, Isaiah 42:16, just to name a few). His love for you is unconditional, it is unfailing, you have been set apart, and He has great plans for you.(Ephesians 3:16-21, Psalm 36:5-7, Jeremiah 1:4-5, Jeremiah 29:11, Isaiah 49:15-16, Psalm 48:9, Jeremiah 31:3, Psalm 136:26, Lamentations 3:22-25, Luke 12:6-7, 1 John 4:9-10, John 3:16, Romans 8:35-39, 1 John 3:1, and there is soooooo much more!). Did you know that He sings over you? Zephaniah 3:17 "The LORD your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”
Explaination of what I said above to explain more of what I meant.
Romans 10:8-13 But what does it say? “The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart,” that is, the word of faith we are proclaiming: That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame.” For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
The sample prayers I mentioned above say, "Jesus is Lord" if any of you are not understanding my simple prayers. The point I am getting across is that it does not need to be a fancy prayer to cry out to God. He sees your heart and knows when you want Him to be "Lord" of your life. He also knows when you are confessing with your mouth that you know you have been a sinner and cannot live without Him. You can say those things to Him as well if you'd like. Let's let God be the judge of their heart and their words. Let's not ever say they didn't say the right words so they are not "saved." Many people say the right words by "man's religion" and it is only words they are saying and are never saved. Someone else can cry out to Jesus and can barely speak at all because of their brokenness and wanting Him in their life and they are truly saved.
I hope you take away from this blog that there really is a God who wants a personal relationship with you. You cannot live off someone else's faith...not even your pastor's or spouse's. It has to be personal. He wants to be involved in your life. Let Him be real to you. He is alive. He is not someone who is watching you from far off. He is interested in you and all the details. Nothing is too small for you to bring to Him. He is not interested in someone else's life more than yours. You have to believe that because I know there are many times when you don't. This is for you! He cares about YOU! Don't let these be just words you are reading. It is not about a denomination, either so don't make it about that. Surrender your life to Jesus today and experience the best ride of your life. Experience a love like no one else on this earth can love you. You will know that you will live with Him forever. "Most assuredly, I say unto you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life." (John 5:24)
Monday, January 23, 2012
Psalm 30:11
So much is happening in me. I am crying as I type this because I feel like God is bringing back many memories. I know this year is going to be so much better for us than 2011. These tears are just remembering the pain of last year. I am listening to songs again that helped bring me through that trial in our lives. I was so close to God and it seemed everything fell apart all at one time. I never knew you could be so high on a mountain top and think your life is great and then hit rock bottom. I have more compassion for people than ever before. I know how a person could have a family and a home and then become homeless. It all can happen so fast. His family could die in a crash in an instant. He could turn to drinking or drugs to ease the pain. He could lose it all and literally be homeless. Then, he is judged by people that walk by him. They don’t look at him in the eyes and all they see is a hopeless man that made the wrong decisions. They don’t know him. They don’t know he cries himself to sleep every night. The pain of losing his family is so deep. He wishes he would have just died himself. But, instead he lives a life of people judging him and does anything he can to ease the daily pain. People mock him…not with their words, but with their actions. He knows what they are thinking. He knows they call themselves Christians and he doesn’t want anything to do with the God they say they believe in. Why should he? This is the only God he sees and it is not a loving God. Why are we this way? Why am I this way? Have I turned a cheek to this lost and dying world? Do I pass people by even when I see the pain in their eyes? What are we doing? We sing songs that we are sold out for Christ, but are we really? Do we really know His love because if we did, we would want everyone to experience it. Why are we holding in this treasure that we have? I don’t know about you, but I cannot be complacent. I don’t want to be “good enough.” I don’t want to be the standard and just regular.
There have been times since we moved here that I felt guilty for moving my family. Some days are great and I love it here. Other days, I miss my friends and family so much I feel sick. I feel I took everything and everyone away from them. When I think about Cameron, I cry so much I can’t talk. He is our friend’s son who has special needs. He loved Grisha so much and Grisha loved him. They had a special connection – one that many people never experience in a lifetime. It was true, unconditional love. I think about Cameron looking for Grisha and crying for Grisha and that makes me feel I did this to him. He doesn’t understand and I never want him to feel it was his fault that he doesn’t see Grisha anymore. I feel I ran away and maybe I did not have enough faith that God would protect us. I didn’t stay and just “stand.” I was writing songs and our sweet friend's daughter who is so talented was composing the music. I wanted to do missions in the new church. Things were going so well and it seemed our lives just fell apart in an instant.
After saying all that, I want to tell you that God is faithful even when we are not (2 Timothy 2:13). I know I have shared this with you before and I am sorry if some of you are tired of me saying the same thing. But, I just can’t get over this because He doesn’t have to be. But, this verse says He cannot deny Himself. This is who He IS!! This is not something I am making up to make myself feel better. He truly is faithful when I am not. I don’t believe it just because He said it. Don’t get me wrong. I believe in His word and what He says. I believe everything He says is true. Even when I don’t experience what He says, I hang onto it. But, you can have the knowledge of something, but until you experience it, that is when you realize it is real. I can tell you all day long how much Jesus loves you. But, until you experience His love, you cannot understand it. You can know He says He loves you in the Bible. You can know that people tell you He loves you. But, you cannot really understand until you experience it. So, don’t ever knock down someone’s faith in Jesus. Don’t ever knock down the way someone worships. When they see me dance for Jesus, raise my hands, or fall down on my face or knees, they don’t know where I’ve been or what I’ve been through. They don’t know what God has brought me out of. Never, ever judge the way someone worships. Some people say the way people worship is all for show and attention. Let God be the judge of their heart. Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). I cannot NOT be moved when I am in His presence. Suddenly, everything and everyone is gone. It is just Him and me. I used to care what people thought of me, but now I only want Jesus. I am dancing with Him and Him alone. No one is in the room, but us. Yes, I do it at home too but I also do it corporately because His presence is so thick and intimate at times even in a room full of people. It is like they all fade away and nothing else matters to me but being with Him. Jesus + nothing = everything. The pastor said this and it is so true. You can have all this world, but give me Jesus.
Even though at times I have felt I just fled from everything, God has remained faithful to me. He is not upset with me. He actually showed me many things before we left. He gave me dreams about the bad guys before they started calling my cell phone. He warned me many times the way these people were. He prepared me. He gave me scriptures as well. I felt confident in the direction He was moving us. Even though He reassured me I was doing the right thing by leaving, months later I forget this and feel it was my fault. I also feel at times I was not faithful to Him. But even when I feel I am not faithful, He remains faithful to me. Even when I feel I did not think He was big enough to protect my family, He is not against me. He is still for me.
Since we have moved here, Jesus has overwhelmed us with His love and blessings. We thought we found a church because it was the first one where we felt welcomed and the first one that preached on His love the way we know Jesus to love us. I spoke about what happened when we first got here and the rainbows He kept showing me. He kept reminding me to hang onto His promises. He kept showing me 1111 again (Hebrews 11:11) and every time I saw the numbers, He reminded me that He is faithful. God completely intervened and showed us the church He wants us to be in. A sweet man named Dan called us from a local church. He said the church wanted to buy our children Christmas presents. We had not asked for help with presents. God did all of this. Our family volunteers at a missions place where hundreds of people come to get food and clothes. We are there every week and I am sure we get more of a blessing from the people than they do from us. This place has been amazing for us. The owners know us and shared our story with people. They had already shared our story with a group of ladies who wanted to adopt our family for Christmas. These group of ladies are so awesome. They are so much like me it is unreal. They used to work for Compassion International and now they stay connected through a Bible Study they started with each other. So they have the same heart for missions as I do. Some of them have adopted from other countries just as we have. Some of them homeschool. I cannot wait to get to know them more. One is from Mississippi, went to Belhaven, and danced for Ballet Magnificat!! Ballet Magnificat dances at Crossgates all the time and some are members there. She is now my friend on facebook and we have some of the same friends in MS!!!! Is it not a small world? No, it is a God thing…nothing to do with a small world, because God totally ordained that! This group of women (and their husbands and kids) got each of our children presents and gave our whole family gift cards. I was so amazed at the outpouring of love from them. If ya’ll are reading this, thank you so much! Thank you, thank you, thank you!! You do not know how much we appreciate all of you. I wish I could give you all a really big hug!
Back to the phone call I received from the church… the owners of the place we volunteer at, told this church about our family. They wanted to help and also buy presents. I was shocked and could not believe it. When we went to pick the presents up from the church a few days before Christmas, they brought out so many presents. It literally filled our van up. There were also boxes of food for us. The people were so sweet. Children were helping bring presents to the van and saying, “Merry Christmas.” On Christmas Eve, Mr. Dan called again and said MORE presents had come in. I could not believe it. We could barely take all this in. There was more food and even gift cards for food. Every present that we opened was like the people knew us personally. You would never think these were from strangers. JC got England soccer jerseys. He lived in England as a teenager and played so much soccer there. Samuel also got a soccer jersey, both got Nike shin pads, JC got a soccer ball, and they got soccer goals. Samuel also loves skateboarding and someonegot him shirts that are from a skateboarding company. It was like he was in heaven. Grisha got a shirt that says, “Ukraine” with a Ukrainian flag. I got TWO warm jackets. Gabriel loves super heroes and he probably got every superhero that has ever been made. There were way more presents than this, but that just gives you an idea. These were quality gifts that were not cheap. It would not even matter if they were cheap because they all came from the heart. But, these people spent so much money on the gifts for people they don’t even know. One of my jackets is a Calvin Kline jacket that is so nice I am afraid to get it dirty - haha. JC got tennis shoes that he desperately needed. He goes through shoes every 3 months because of his job. He literally puts holes in the shoes. Did I mention this church is about 5 minutes from our house? I do not know how I never came across it before. But, God completely intervened and showed us a church that already loved us. That is a congregation that we want to be a part of. The way they loved us was amazing and how could we not even try it out? I feel the words thank you just aren't enough for what they have done for us.
We have only been there twice and this is totally our home. God is confirming it over and over to us. The first day I went, God told me some things later on in the day about the church. He says they are searching for Him and they will find Him. They are completely on the right path and when you are looking for God, you find Him (Deut 4:29). It does not mean they do not know who He is now. They do! But, God is showing me that they are learning more of who He is. That is wonderful because we do not want a church that seems to have it all together. We do not want a church that thinks they have it all figured out. We do not want a church where people think they know everything there is to know about God. We want a church that is searching for God. We want a church that is open to what He has for them. This is the church.
They are putting together a video about Hope 2011 and they wanted me to speak in it. I went to the filming yesterday and I was so nervous. This is the reason I am emotional today because what I spoke on brought back memories. It is not a bad thing, but it is like God is bringing me full circle. I need to remember some things and release them to Him. I was driving this morning and a song came on. It was a song that helped me through when I could barely stand. I could hardly sing because I just started crying. I was remembering when things felt so bad that I had to hang onto Jesus. I had to hang onto the words that He told me even if I didn’t feel Him in that moment. I remembered the drive out here that took three days. I had the weight on my shoulders and He gave me music that I needed to hear at the exact time. I have already shared some of the songs on here, but since I am going down memory lane, I want to share them again. If you do not have time to listen to these songs or simply do not want to, just scroll down and finish reading after the songs. I would love for you to listen to some of them when you get the chance, though.
This is another song of hers that I love. It is newer to the radio now and I LOVE IT!
Here is a song we need to hear to remind us not to turn away and not to judge.
Here is one for someone right now.
He Is With You lyrics
There's a time to live
And a time to die
There's a time to laugh
And a time to cry
There's a time for war
And a time for peace
There's a hand to hold
In the worst of these
In the worst of these
Chorus:
He is with you when your faith is dead
And you can't even get out of bed
Or your husband doesn't kiss you anymore
He is with you when your baby's gone
And your house is still and your heart's a stone
Cryin' God, what'd you do that for?
He is with you
There's a time for yes
And a time for no
There's a time to be angry
And a time to let it go
There's a time to run
And a time to face it
There is love to see you
Through all of this
Chorus:
He is with you in the conference room
When the world is coming down on you
And your wife and kids don't know you anymore
And he is with you in the ICU
When the doctors don't know what to do
And it scares you to the core
He is with you
We may weep for a time
But joy will come in the morning
The morning light
Chorus:
He is with you when your kids are grown
When there's too much space and you feel alone
And you're worried if you got it right or wrong
Yes he is with you when you've given up
On ever finding your true love
Someone who feels like home
He is with you
When nothing else is left
And you take your final breath
He is with you
I know those are a lot of songs, but maybe you can come back and listen to them if you don't have time now. Just listen to one and then another time listen to another one until you have been able to get through them.
A quick update:
The three teenagers are now in school. It was a hard decision after homeschooling for so long. They all love it and that makes me feel much better. I pray for them all throughout the day to make the right decisions, to honor God in everything they do, and for God to bring them Christian friends. I know they are going to be mighty warriors for Him even if I don't always see it. I am going to keep praying for them to be on fire for Jesus and not be followers of man.
My mom came during Christmas vacation and we had such a great visit. The children still talk about her and want to see her again soon.
My mother-in-law also came for a visit this month and it was so nice. We had a great visit and we all miss her, too.
I have decided to go to college. I have applied for grants and been accepted into a community college. I will start in the summer 2012.
JC has started on an adult indoor soccer league. He has coached, but he hasn't played on a team in years. He is having to get back in shape. :)
I am taking on a challenge to lose 15 lbs by the last day of March. My mother-in-law and her fiance are joining me in this. Once that date comes, we will make a new goal. I am hoping this will be easier to accomplish by setting small goals at a time.
JC starts Wild at Heart tomorrow evening and I start Captivating Thurs evening. We are so excited and it was like God put icing on the cake for us with this new church. JC is happy to be doing WAH again because it changed him so much. I am happy to start relationships. When I left the filming yesterday of the video, I was so happy and dancing around the house. I have hope for a new season in my life. I have been craving those women friendships and I know God is going to bring them to me. It wasn't until today that I started crying a lot, but I am still hopeful. :)
I received this message on facebook and it is exactly what God is doing in me.
Felt like I was to send you Psalm 30:11 "You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness.
As you see there are big changes in our house. Please continue to pray for our family. Thank you for taking the time to read and follow us all these years. And thank you to our new readers who are just joining. I love you all and never forget how much Jesus loves you. He is for you and not against you.
There have been times since we moved here that I felt guilty for moving my family. Some days are great and I love it here. Other days, I miss my friends and family so much I feel sick. I feel I took everything and everyone away from them. When I think about Cameron, I cry so much I can’t talk. He is our friend’s son who has special needs. He loved Grisha so much and Grisha loved him. They had a special connection – one that many people never experience in a lifetime. It was true, unconditional love. I think about Cameron looking for Grisha and crying for Grisha and that makes me feel I did this to him. He doesn’t understand and I never want him to feel it was his fault that he doesn’t see Grisha anymore. I feel I ran away and maybe I did not have enough faith that God would protect us. I didn’t stay and just “stand.” I was writing songs and our sweet friend's daughter who is so talented was composing the music. I wanted to do missions in the new church. Things were going so well and it seemed our lives just fell apart in an instant.
After saying all that, I want to tell you that God is faithful even when we are not (2 Timothy 2:13). I know I have shared this with you before and I am sorry if some of you are tired of me saying the same thing. But, I just can’t get over this because He doesn’t have to be. But, this verse says He cannot deny Himself. This is who He IS!! This is not something I am making up to make myself feel better. He truly is faithful when I am not. I don’t believe it just because He said it. Don’t get me wrong. I believe in His word and what He says. I believe everything He says is true. Even when I don’t experience what He says, I hang onto it. But, you can have the knowledge of something, but until you experience it, that is when you realize it is real. I can tell you all day long how much Jesus loves you. But, until you experience His love, you cannot understand it. You can know He says He loves you in the Bible. You can know that people tell you He loves you. But, you cannot really understand until you experience it. So, don’t ever knock down someone’s faith in Jesus. Don’t ever knock down the way someone worships. When they see me dance for Jesus, raise my hands, or fall down on my face or knees, they don’t know where I’ve been or what I’ve been through. They don’t know what God has brought me out of. Never, ever judge the way someone worships. Some people say the way people worship is all for show and attention. Let God be the judge of their heart. Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). I cannot NOT be moved when I am in His presence. Suddenly, everything and everyone is gone. It is just Him and me. I used to care what people thought of me, but now I only want Jesus. I am dancing with Him and Him alone. No one is in the room, but us. Yes, I do it at home too but I also do it corporately because His presence is so thick and intimate at times even in a room full of people. It is like they all fade away and nothing else matters to me but being with Him. Jesus + nothing = everything. The pastor said this and it is so true. You can have all this world, but give me Jesus.
Even though at times I have felt I just fled from everything, God has remained faithful to me. He is not upset with me. He actually showed me many things before we left. He gave me dreams about the bad guys before they started calling my cell phone. He warned me many times the way these people were. He prepared me. He gave me scriptures as well. I felt confident in the direction He was moving us. Even though He reassured me I was doing the right thing by leaving, months later I forget this and feel it was my fault. I also feel at times I was not faithful to Him. But even when I feel I am not faithful, He remains faithful to me. Even when I feel I did not think He was big enough to protect my family, He is not against me. He is still for me.
Since we have moved here, Jesus has overwhelmed us with His love and blessings. We thought we found a church because it was the first one where we felt welcomed and the first one that preached on His love the way we know Jesus to love us. I spoke about what happened when we first got here and the rainbows He kept showing me. He kept reminding me to hang onto His promises. He kept showing me 1111 again (Hebrews 11:11) and every time I saw the numbers, He reminded me that He is faithful. God completely intervened and showed us the church He wants us to be in. A sweet man named Dan called us from a local church. He said the church wanted to buy our children Christmas presents. We had not asked for help with presents. God did all of this. Our family volunteers at a missions place where hundreds of people come to get food and clothes. We are there every week and I am sure we get more of a blessing from the people than they do from us. This place has been amazing for us. The owners know us and shared our story with people. They had already shared our story with a group of ladies who wanted to adopt our family for Christmas. These group of ladies are so awesome. They are so much like me it is unreal. They used to work for Compassion International and now they stay connected through a Bible Study they started with each other. So they have the same heart for missions as I do. Some of them have adopted from other countries just as we have. Some of them homeschool. I cannot wait to get to know them more. One is from Mississippi, went to Belhaven, and danced for Ballet Magnificat!! Ballet Magnificat dances at Crossgates all the time and some are members there. She is now my friend on facebook and we have some of the same friends in MS!!!! Is it not a small world? No, it is a God thing…nothing to do with a small world, because God totally ordained that! This group of women (and their husbands and kids) got each of our children presents and gave our whole family gift cards. I was so amazed at the outpouring of love from them. If ya’ll are reading this, thank you so much! Thank you, thank you, thank you!! You do not know how much we appreciate all of you. I wish I could give you all a really big hug!
Back to the phone call I received from the church… the owners of the place we volunteer at, told this church about our family. They wanted to help and also buy presents. I was shocked and could not believe it. When we went to pick the presents up from the church a few days before Christmas, they brought out so many presents. It literally filled our van up. There were also boxes of food for us. The people were so sweet. Children were helping bring presents to the van and saying, “Merry Christmas.” On Christmas Eve, Mr. Dan called again and said MORE presents had come in. I could not believe it. We could barely take all this in. There was more food and even gift cards for food. Every present that we opened was like the people knew us personally. You would never think these were from strangers. JC got England soccer jerseys. He lived in England as a teenager and played so much soccer there. Samuel also got a soccer jersey, both got Nike shin pads, JC got a soccer ball, and they got soccer goals. Samuel also loves skateboarding and someonegot him shirts that are from a skateboarding company. It was like he was in heaven. Grisha got a shirt that says, “Ukraine” with a Ukrainian flag. I got TWO warm jackets. Gabriel loves super heroes and he probably got every superhero that has ever been made. There were way more presents than this, but that just gives you an idea. These were quality gifts that were not cheap. It would not even matter if they were cheap because they all came from the heart. But, these people spent so much money on the gifts for people they don’t even know. One of my jackets is a Calvin Kline jacket that is so nice I am afraid to get it dirty - haha. JC got tennis shoes that he desperately needed. He goes through shoes every 3 months because of his job. He literally puts holes in the shoes. Did I mention this church is about 5 minutes from our house? I do not know how I never came across it before. But, God completely intervened and showed us a church that already loved us. That is a congregation that we want to be a part of. The way they loved us was amazing and how could we not even try it out? I feel the words thank you just aren't enough for what they have done for us.
We have only been there twice and this is totally our home. God is confirming it over and over to us. The first day I went, God told me some things later on in the day about the church. He says they are searching for Him and they will find Him. They are completely on the right path and when you are looking for God, you find Him (Deut 4:29). It does not mean they do not know who He is now. They do! But, God is showing me that they are learning more of who He is. That is wonderful because we do not want a church that seems to have it all together. We do not want a church that thinks they have it all figured out. We do not want a church where people think they know everything there is to know about God. We want a church that is searching for God. We want a church that is open to what He has for them. This is the church.
They are putting together a video about Hope 2011 and they wanted me to speak in it. I went to the filming yesterday and I was so nervous. This is the reason I am emotional today because what I spoke on brought back memories. It is not a bad thing, but it is like God is bringing me full circle. I need to remember some things and release them to Him. I was driving this morning and a song came on. It was a song that helped me through when I could barely stand. I could hardly sing because I just started crying. I was remembering when things felt so bad that I had to hang onto Jesus. I had to hang onto the words that He told me even if I didn’t feel Him in that moment. I remembered the drive out here that took three days. I had the weight on my shoulders and He gave me music that I needed to hear at the exact time. I have already shared some of the songs on here, but since I am going down memory lane, I want to share them again. If you do not have time to listen to these songs or simply do not want to, just scroll down and finish reading after the songs. I would love for you to listen to some of them when you get the chance, though.
This is another song of hers that I love. It is newer to the radio now and I LOVE IT!
Here is a song we need to hear to remind us not to turn away and not to judge.
Here is one for someone right now.
He Is With You lyrics
There's a time to live
And a time to die
There's a time to laugh
And a time to cry
There's a time for war
And a time for peace
There's a hand to hold
In the worst of these
In the worst of these
Chorus:
He is with you when your faith is dead
And you can't even get out of bed
Or your husband doesn't kiss you anymore
He is with you when your baby's gone
And your house is still and your heart's a stone
Cryin' God, what'd you do that for?
He is with you
There's a time for yes
And a time for no
There's a time to be angry
And a time to let it go
There's a time to run
And a time to face it
There is love to see you
Through all of this
Chorus:
He is with you in the conference room
When the world is coming down on you
And your wife and kids don't know you anymore
And he is with you in the ICU
When the doctors don't know what to do
And it scares you to the core
He is with you
We may weep for a time
But joy will come in the morning
The morning light
Chorus:
He is with you when your kids are grown
When there's too much space and you feel alone
And you're worried if you got it right or wrong
Yes he is with you when you've given up
On ever finding your true love
Someone who feels like home
He is with you
When nothing else is left
And you take your final breath
He is with you
I know those are a lot of songs, but maybe you can come back and listen to them if you don't have time now. Just listen to one and then another time listen to another one until you have been able to get through them.
A quick update:
The three teenagers are now in school. It was a hard decision after homeschooling for so long. They all love it and that makes me feel much better. I pray for them all throughout the day to make the right decisions, to honor God in everything they do, and for God to bring them Christian friends. I know they are going to be mighty warriors for Him even if I don't always see it. I am going to keep praying for them to be on fire for Jesus and not be followers of man.
My mom came during Christmas vacation and we had such a great visit. The children still talk about her and want to see her again soon.
My mother-in-law also came for a visit this month and it was so nice. We had a great visit and we all miss her, too.
I have decided to go to college. I have applied for grants and been accepted into a community college. I will start in the summer 2012.
JC has started on an adult indoor soccer league. He has coached, but he hasn't played on a team in years. He is having to get back in shape. :)
I am taking on a challenge to lose 15 lbs by the last day of March. My mother-in-law and her fiance are joining me in this. Once that date comes, we will make a new goal. I am hoping this will be easier to accomplish by setting small goals at a time.
JC starts Wild at Heart tomorrow evening and I start Captivating Thurs evening. We are so excited and it was like God put icing on the cake for us with this new church. JC is happy to be doing WAH again because it changed him so much. I am happy to start relationships. When I left the filming yesterday of the video, I was so happy and dancing around the house. I have hope for a new season in my life. I have been craving those women friendships and I know God is going to bring them to me. It wasn't until today that I started crying a lot, but I am still hopeful. :)
I received this message on facebook and it is exactly what God is doing in me.
Felt like I was to send you Psalm 30:11 "You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness.
As you see there are big changes in our house. Please continue to pray for our family. Thank you for taking the time to read and follow us all these years. And thank you to our new readers who are just joining. I love you all and never forget how much Jesus loves you. He is for you and not against you.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
On their way to Ukraine!!
This Christmas, why not help give a child a family? Our friends are going back to Ukraine to adopt again. They were with us when we adopted Grisha and praise the Lord He is telling them to go back again. :) They did not need help the first time around, but this time, they are relying on God with finances. Won't you please donate to their adoption to help another life be forever changed? No amount is too small and you can donate straight online. I guarantee Jesus would love this as His birthday present.
Please go read and follow their blog. Commit to praying for them daily and don't stop after the child/ren are home. Here is the blog address and please go donate something. Overwhelm them this Christmas with donations. Remind them that God WILL provide the funds. http://tygartfamilyadoption.blogspot.com
Please go read and follow their blog. Commit to praying for them daily and don't stop after the child/ren are home. Here is the blog address and please go donate something. Overwhelm them this Christmas with donations. Remind them that God WILL provide the funds. http://tygartfamilyadoption.blogspot.com
Monday, December 12, 2011
I want more boldness than ever before!
Where do I even begin? Whew...much to say and not sure I will get it all in one post.
My book is coming along. I still need way more stories to finish it, though. If you have any kind of story that has to do with abortion, please email it to: speakup3189@yahoo.com Even if a medical staff told you to have one or family or friends told you to have one and you decided against it. You could know a friend or family member whose had one...even if it didn't affect the mother...maybe it affected you or the father...anything at all will help. :)
I almost gave up on the book. I have faced much persecution from pro-choicers. I have been called names, cursed at, and much more. I do not have the strength to write about it all right now, but if you read the book, it will defintely be in there. So, what the devil meant for bad...haha I am totally turning it around and it makes for more of an introduction in the book.
A lot has been going on. Some good...some not so good. Our pipes froze and we were without water for four days. Every night we leave the faucets dripping so that doesn't happen. But one night we were out late. We came home and went straight to bed. I completely forgot to let them drip and that is the night the pipes froze. We tried everything to get them thawed out. I was reading articles online and watching youtube videos. We tried all the tricks. A plumber was going to come out the next day. By that afternoon we had not heard from him. JC called him and he said that if we do not have copper pipes there was nothing he could do. So, he was not going to even try to come out. He said to put a space heater under the house so that is what we did. It still did not help. We heated the pipes for three days and nothing worked. I finally laid my hands on the faucets and even annointed them with oil telling them to let water come pouring out. I begged God. I used all the authority I knew He had given me. My friend also said she was in a meeting that morning and they all stopped to pray for a miracle to happen with our water. The day I annointed the faucets and the day they prayed for water for us, was the day the water finally started flowing out of the sinks! It was truly amazing. It was getting so hard. Clothes were piling up (I am still trying to catch up on laundry). We were brushing our teeth with bottled water. We could not take showers so you can imagine what we all looked like and smelled like. Praise the Lord we had new friends that invited us to their house to get showers. I finally opened up on the 3rd day to my new friends that we didn't have water. We were able to go to their house that night and get cleaned up. We felt so much better and our spirits were lifted. It was a huge boost and we were just so thankful for their hospitality. Dishes were piling up. We went out and bought gallons of water. We boiled the water on the stove so we could wash dishes. We used all the gallons we bought and still had many dishes piled up. I was really feeling for people that do not have running water. We had to go to the store to use the bathroom. I think that was the hardest part of not having water. It was just so cold and having to get out every time. It was not fun with five children going to Wal-Mart just to use the restroom.
I have missed telling you about some birthdays. June 4th - Samuel turned 13. August 26th - Jacob turned 2. November 16th - Natasha turned 14. October 31st - JC turned 31. December 9th - I turned 32. Gabriel will be 7 on January 16th and Grisha will be 16 on Feb 24th. So, that is all of us. :)
We are continuing to like it here. We miss our friends and family very much and think of them often. But, we are beginning to realize this is our new home. We finally found a church that we like. I am excited to meet new people and get involved in some groups there. I have also met some wonderful ladies and we had a playdate today. I cannot wait to get to know them more. They have helped us so much and God truly sent them to us. The kids and I volunteer at a ministry once a week. Well, Grisha has started working there twice a week. He would work more if I took him more days a week. We love being there. This ministry feeds hundreds of families sometimes in one day. When we arrive, there is literally a line out to the parking lot. People come to get food, clothes, and toiletries. The owners have become great friends to us and we also know God sent them to our family in many more ways than one.
JC is continuing to love his work here. He enjoys it so much more. It is hard to believe he is doing the same thing that he did in MS, but likes it way better here.
The last week or two have been the best with Natasha so far. It seems all of a sudden she is bonding with me more than she ever has. She even calls me "Mama" all the time and will tell me she loves me out of the blue. Just her and I went to Wal-Mart tonight and had so much fun walking around looking at everything. We looked at different earrings that she likes and she showed me some that she thought would look good on me. We laughed and just had a good time. These things are HUGE! The memories of her being so disgusted by me are slowly fading away. We actually talk about that now. We talk about how she treated me when we adopted her. She was told many things in Ukraine about Americans. She was told Americans that come adopt an older child only want them for their "good parts". If they have a baby it means something is wrong with the baby so they adopt an older "good" child so they can use their "good parts" for the baby...meaning we adopt older kids so we can cut them up and use their organs. She said even the staff at 2 different orphanages showed her articles of Americans killing their adopted kids to save their biological kids. Even though she wasn't sure she believed that after she came to America, it still is taking awhile for her to trust us. Her nightmares are going away. They were horrible for a long time. And I mean, demonic nightmares like you wouldn't believe. These nightmares started when I came to Ukraine she said. She did not have bad dreams until we came to adopt her. They continued until probably a few weeks ago. They would subside after we prayed over her room and annointed it, but would be back a couple weeks later. She also played praise music every night and I could tell the nights she didn't play the music was when the bad dreams would come back. Now, it seems they are gone for good. She is having dreams, but not bad ones. She is dreaming of family members now. :) She dreamed of Uncle Rick, Aunt Suzie, and Mimi the other night. This is really good. :)
It is 12:30AM and I must get to sleep. Even if you don't hear from me for awhile, please know we are doing well. My mom is coming to visit in five days and my mother-in-law will be here in one month. The children are so excited to see their grandmothers and this is an exciting time. There are also big changes happening in the family. JC's sister AND brother are having babies in 2012 so TWO new babies will be born into the family.
Our 2011 was a very hard year and I am hoping 2012 will be a great year!!
"And when they had prayed, the place where they were assembled together was shaken; and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit, and they spoke the word of God with boldness." Acts 4:31
Lord Jesus, fill us all with boldness this next coming year. May 2012 be the year we get bold and stop being complacent. May we say this verse: "For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard." Acts 4:20
My book is coming along. I still need way more stories to finish it, though. If you have any kind of story that has to do with abortion, please email it to: speakup3189@yahoo.com Even if a medical staff told you to have one or family or friends told you to have one and you decided against it. You could know a friend or family member whose had one...even if it didn't affect the mother...maybe it affected you or the father...anything at all will help. :)
I almost gave up on the book. I have faced much persecution from pro-choicers. I have been called names, cursed at, and much more. I do not have the strength to write about it all right now, but if you read the book, it will defintely be in there. So, what the devil meant for bad...haha I am totally turning it around and it makes for more of an introduction in the book.
A lot has been going on. Some good...some not so good. Our pipes froze and we were without water for four days. Every night we leave the faucets dripping so that doesn't happen. But one night we were out late. We came home and went straight to bed. I completely forgot to let them drip and that is the night the pipes froze. We tried everything to get them thawed out. I was reading articles online and watching youtube videos. We tried all the tricks. A plumber was going to come out the next day. By that afternoon we had not heard from him. JC called him and he said that if we do not have copper pipes there was nothing he could do. So, he was not going to even try to come out. He said to put a space heater under the house so that is what we did. It still did not help. We heated the pipes for three days and nothing worked. I finally laid my hands on the faucets and even annointed them with oil telling them to let water come pouring out. I begged God. I used all the authority I knew He had given me. My friend also said she was in a meeting that morning and they all stopped to pray for a miracle to happen with our water. The day I annointed the faucets and the day they prayed for water for us, was the day the water finally started flowing out of the sinks! It was truly amazing. It was getting so hard. Clothes were piling up (I am still trying to catch up on laundry). We were brushing our teeth with bottled water. We could not take showers so you can imagine what we all looked like and smelled like. Praise the Lord we had new friends that invited us to their house to get showers. I finally opened up on the 3rd day to my new friends that we didn't have water. We were able to go to their house that night and get cleaned up. We felt so much better and our spirits were lifted. It was a huge boost and we were just so thankful for their hospitality. Dishes were piling up. We went out and bought gallons of water. We boiled the water on the stove so we could wash dishes. We used all the gallons we bought and still had many dishes piled up. I was really feeling for people that do not have running water. We had to go to the store to use the bathroom. I think that was the hardest part of not having water. It was just so cold and having to get out every time. It was not fun with five children going to Wal-Mart just to use the restroom.
I have missed telling you about some birthdays. June 4th - Samuel turned 13. August 26th - Jacob turned 2. November 16th - Natasha turned 14. October 31st - JC turned 31. December 9th - I turned 32. Gabriel will be 7 on January 16th and Grisha will be 16 on Feb 24th. So, that is all of us. :)
We are continuing to like it here. We miss our friends and family very much and think of them often. But, we are beginning to realize this is our new home. We finally found a church that we like. I am excited to meet new people and get involved in some groups there. I have also met some wonderful ladies and we had a playdate today. I cannot wait to get to know them more. They have helped us so much and God truly sent them to us. The kids and I volunteer at a ministry once a week. Well, Grisha has started working there twice a week. He would work more if I took him more days a week. We love being there. This ministry feeds hundreds of families sometimes in one day. When we arrive, there is literally a line out to the parking lot. People come to get food, clothes, and toiletries. The owners have become great friends to us and we also know God sent them to our family in many more ways than one.
JC is continuing to love his work here. He enjoys it so much more. It is hard to believe he is doing the same thing that he did in MS, but likes it way better here.
The last week or two have been the best with Natasha so far. It seems all of a sudden she is bonding with me more than she ever has. She even calls me "Mama" all the time and will tell me she loves me out of the blue. Just her and I went to Wal-Mart tonight and had so much fun walking around looking at everything. We looked at different earrings that she likes and she showed me some that she thought would look good on me. We laughed and just had a good time. These things are HUGE! The memories of her being so disgusted by me are slowly fading away. We actually talk about that now. We talk about how she treated me when we adopted her. She was told many things in Ukraine about Americans. She was told Americans that come adopt an older child only want them for their "good parts". If they have a baby it means something is wrong with the baby so they adopt an older "good" child so they can use their "good parts" for the baby...meaning we adopt older kids so we can cut them up and use their organs. She said even the staff at 2 different orphanages showed her articles of Americans killing their adopted kids to save their biological kids. Even though she wasn't sure she believed that after she came to America, it still is taking awhile for her to trust us. Her nightmares are going away. They were horrible for a long time. And I mean, demonic nightmares like you wouldn't believe. These nightmares started when I came to Ukraine she said. She did not have bad dreams until we came to adopt her. They continued until probably a few weeks ago. They would subside after we prayed over her room and annointed it, but would be back a couple weeks later. She also played praise music every night and I could tell the nights she didn't play the music was when the bad dreams would come back. Now, it seems they are gone for good. She is having dreams, but not bad ones. She is dreaming of family members now. :) She dreamed of Uncle Rick, Aunt Suzie, and Mimi the other night. This is really good. :)
It is 12:30AM and I must get to sleep. Even if you don't hear from me for awhile, please know we are doing well. My mom is coming to visit in five days and my mother-in-law will be here in one month. The children are so excited to see their grandmothers and this is an exciting time. There are also big changes happening in the family. JC's sister AND brother are having babies in 2012 so TWO new babies will be born into the family.
Our 2011 was a very hard year and I am hoping 2012 will be a great year!!
"And when they had prayed, the place where they were assembled together was shaken; and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit, and they spoke the word of God with boldness." Acts 4:31
Lord Jesus, fill us all with boldness this next coming year. May 2012 be the year we get bold and stop being complacent. May we say this verse: "For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard." Acts 4:20
Monday, November 07, 2011
2 Special People and help from all of you
I need your help, readers! As you know, I am writing books. Well, one of them is going to be a book of how abortion affects people. It will be a compilation of stories from people that have been impacted by abortion. It could also be a story of someone who was going to have an abortion, but decided not to. It will be a book full of grace and not condemnation. The stories can be anonymous or have a name. I am fine either way. The message is still getting across. This is my way of being able to help and my contribution. I will need the stories ASAP as I will be sending this book to a publisher in early Spring. I will be using our tax money to get the book published. It takes awhile to get it edited, sent back to the publisher a couple times, etc... so I would love to have the contents of the book as soon as possible. This way, it will be ready by the spring to send in.
These stories will be from the girl/woman herself who had the abortion, a friend, grandparents, other family members, doctors, people who work with them, etc... Anyone who has been impacted by one or has knowledge of what it does to people (aftermath emotionally, etc...) I am sure you get what I am looking for. Again, your name does not have to be in the book. Just state that you want to be known as anonymous in your story.
I appreciate all of your help. Thank you so much for being a part of a book that will help many people. You may submit your stories via email to: speakup3189@yahoo.com
This has nothing to do with the above topic, but I would like to share about two special people in our family.
My brother's first book was just published a couple months ago and I am so proud of him!! That is not the only reason I am proud of him. There are so many reasons!!! He has encouraged me so much when I have been at my lowest. He has had the desire to write a book since he was a child and I have had the same desire. It is amazing that God is fulfilling the desires He put in our hearts. Trey has worked so hard and please support him by ordering his book.
For all who know me. Whether it be from my past or present, I love u all. Its because of you that this book was possible. God being on the top of that list. For a copy go to authorhouse.com. Type in "A Message of Hope". Its 9.99 on the internet plus shipping. Thanks for your support. If u want something to encourage u and help u through this walk of life, this book is just for you. Trey Moore
I also have another special person to write about. This is our cousin, Ryan, who has his first CD out. It is absolutely beautiful. He has written all the songs on this album and his sister, our cousin Jamie, is singing back up with him on several songs. Please take the time while you still have your form of payment out from Trey's book, to order Ryan's CD as well.
These stories will be from the girl/woman herself who had the abortion, a friend, grandparents, other family members, doctors, people who work with them, etc... Anyone who has been impacted by one or has knowledge of what it does to people (aftermath emotionally, etc...) I am sure you get what I am looking for. Again, your name does not have to be in the book. Just state that you want to be known as anonymous in your story.
I appreciate all of your help. Thank you so much for being a part of a book that will help many people. You may submit your stories via email to: speakup3189@yahoo.com
This has nothing to do with the above topic, but I would like to share about two special people in our family.
My brother's first book was just published a couple months ago and I am so proud of him!! That is not the only reason I am proud of him. There are so many reasons!!! He has encouraged me so much when I have been at my lowest. He has had the desire to write a book since he was a child and I have had the same desire. It is amazing that God is fulfilling the desires He put in our hearts. Trey has worked so hard and please support him by ordering his book.
For all who know me. Whether it be from my past or present, I love u all. Its because of you that this book was possible. God being on the top of that list. For a copy go to authorhouse.com. Type in "A Message of Hope". Its 9.99 on the internet plus shipping. Thanks for your support. If u want something to encourage u and help u through this walk of life, this book is just for you. Trey Moore
I also have another special person to write about. This is our cousin, Ryan, who has his first CD out. It is absolutely beautiful. He has written all the songs on this album and his sister, our cousin Jamie, is singing back up with him on several songs. Please take the time while you still have your form of payment out from Trey's book, to order Ryan's CD as well.
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